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BOFH: The day the office budget bombed – literally

Explosive network kit Trojan

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Curtains for PFY or will someone rain on the geek's parade?

"So you're saying someone saw him do this?" I ask.

"No," the geek says, with a slight hesitation.

"So it could have been anybody?"

"It COULDN'T have been anybody - and you know how I know this?"

"I'm sure I don't," I reply.

"I KNOW because I had this forensically analysed," he blurts, pointing to a label on the ziplock bag.

"Sorry, you had a laptop analysed by a forensics expert?" I ask, imagining CSI  Luton and a new episode twist: one where they don't have to call in the kebab fat spatter analyst or rely on a shell-suit arse print to identify the culprit.

"Yes!" the H&S guy blurts triumphantly.

"For what?"

"I happened to notice the odour of ... urine."

"Oh, you mean when I tried to put the fire out after the extinguisher made things worse?"

"The same way you tried to put your boss out?" the H&S guy snaps, holding up another bag with the boss's scorched shirt in it.

"It was an act of mercy!"

"I think we all know what happened here - and as soon as your manager is ready to speak we'll get to the bottom of it. And rest assured that if there's even a HINT of suspicious activity in this I'll be referring this to the police!"

"As well you should," I say as he storms out of the office.

Two minutes later, the phone rings.

"Hello Systems."

"I know it's you, you know," the H&S geek says.

"Us what?" I ask.

"That's turned off my network so I can't send any email."

"No, no, that'll just be your access port flaking out. Tell you what, I'll send the PFY up with a new desktop switch for you - we'll get that lit up in no time." ®

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