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Robot cop tackles mystery tinfoil poo-bomb bandit

Plods feared massive turd explosion, evacuated large area

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Toronto residents were hastily evacuated from homes and businesses in the city yesterday as police feared that tinfoil-wrapped packages of human excrement found beneath a car might explode, flattening an entire neighbourhood in a devastating poo-based blast horror incident of some type.

Understandably reluctant to tackle the potentially devastating turd-torpedoes themselves, the local police bomb squad instead sent in a robot.

According to CityNews Toronto:

A woman found two foil-covered plastic containers under her vehicle in a No Frills parking lot on Brock Street in Whitby.

Officers evacuated surrounding streets for more than three hours as members from the explosive disposal unit removed the packages and found human feces inside.

The intrepid tin cop had previously been sent in to deal with another suspicious package found in a garage, which turned out to contain a potentially deadly knife. That case was cracked in short order as it turned out that a man had been refused entry to a nearby courthouse due to having the knife, and had decided to stash it nearby before returning to the legal headquarters to make another attempt at gaining access.

The subsequent possibly-explosive tinfoil turd package outrage mystery has left the Toronto heat baffled, however. Having no doubt treated their courageous mechanical colleague to a brisk pressure-washing following its heroic efforts in rendering the district safe, cops have issued an appeal for information.

Anyone who can shed light on the poo peril plot is asked to contact the police in confidence: CityNews's report has the numbers. ®

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