US Marines not allowed to fart in Afghanistan

Jarhead trouser-coughs 'could upset the locals'

US Marines fighting in Afghanistan have been banned from farting in order to avoid upsetting the local population, it has been reported.

The Marine Corps Times has the scoop:

Audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange [slang roughly meaning 'in the warzone'] because it offends the Afghans ...

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in ... at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.

Reportedly, farting is a popular competitive sport among the jarheads* – aided perhaps by the carbohydrate-heavy nature of issue rations – and coming on top of prohibitions on other favourite pastimes such as cursing or discussing girls, the trouser-cough crackdown has caused some complaint. For examples readers are directed to the comments on the MCT article, which include a list of terms meaning "fart" which almost rivals Roger Mellie's Profanisaurus. ®

Bootnecknote

*Use of the term 'jarhead' – referring to the USMC preference for not having any hair on the sides of the head and very little on the top – by outsiders is often seen as insulting, as angry mails responding to previous articles have shown. Perhaps the fact of the author being an 11-year navy man and holder of the Royal Marines' commando qualification might allow it to be excused, under the heading of banter among fellow allied servicemen. If not, too bad.

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