London rioters should 'loose all benefits'
Angry e-petition demands serious, if misspelled, action
Amid angry calls for UK rioters to face plastic bullets, water cannon, the Army, a spell in the Army, jail or all of the above, comes this e-petition demanding that the feral youth of Britain be stripped of their state hand-outs.
Or rather, it insists that convicted public disorder offenders "loose all benefits", which we imagine is some kind of welfare state equivalent of letting slip the dogs of war.
The text clarifies: "Any persons convicted of criminal acts during the current London riots should have all financial benefits removed. No tax payer should have to contribute to those who have destroyed property, stolen from their community and shown a disregard for the country that provides for them."
The Department for Work and Pensions is going to have to take this particular e-petition seriously, since it had already clocked up just under 71,000 signatures, as we publish this from the Vulture Central insurrection-proof London bunker complex.
We have no doubt that when the government agrees to the taxpayers' demands it will instruct the DWP as to how exactly rioters' benefits are to be "loosed", while the Metropolitan Police will certainly need guidelines on protecting law-abiding citizens' lunchboxes from packs of penniless and starving hoodies. ®
Taxpayers lose out either way!
Cut the benefits and they all have bugger to lose, so they start up again, we then have to pull them in once more and lock 'em up, which costs us more money!
Catch them and have them out doing community service orders, digging ditches, clearing gutters and drains, plenty of waste grounds need clearing of rubbish, in fact plenty of city streets right now need cleaning up! All that raw man-power is going to waste. They have enough energy to smack the front of TESCO and COMET in, they have enough energy to do some manual work helping the local communities they live in, I'll happily pay for wardens to make sure they're on chain-gangs doing their bit!
Who wants to play Fuck Civil Liberties Bingo?
(From a friend)
Also known as I Don't Care About The Consequences Just Make Those Baddies Go Away... a point for everything you spot on Twitter/ Facebook/ chat site of your choice.
1) Call in the Army
2) I'm so proud that racist thugs are patrolling the high street to 'defend the community'
3) Shut down the Internet
4) Shut down the mobile phone networks
5) Blame the mothers
6) Ban violent videos/ computer games
7) Ban gangsta rap (even though saying this proves you are old as gangsta rap now unfashionable with the yoot)
8) Have a curfew
9) Multiculturalism isn't working
10) At least everyone's stopped fussing about Murdoch and phone hacking
11) Let the Police use Rubber Bullets
12) Bring back National Service
13) Bring back the Birch
14) Bring back the Stocks
15) Bring back the Death Penalty
(burned down) HOUSE!
Looting and Vandalism
My view on looting and vandalism is simple - those convicted of such should be indentured and made to work until they pay off the damage they have caused, plus interest at the rate of inflation (whichever is higher, RPI or CPI during that time), plus the cost of feeding them during their indenture.
No TV, radio, playstations, and those that do not complete their daily quota of work do not get fed the next day.