Feeds

Oi, Android, get gaming sorted out NOW

Reg Hardware's resident gamer vents spleen

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

iGamer On Christmas Day 2011 I'll pass a significant milestone. This year's baby-Jesus-knees-up will mark the thirtieth anniversary of my love affair with gaming. That's thirty trips around the Sun since I unwrapped, unboxed and played my first videogame - Fire on Game & Watch, if you're interested.

Or some 10,957 sunsets and sunrises that I'll have seen – minus, of course, the 8,000 or so I've missed living in the United Kingdom of Permacloud.

Fire on Game and Watch

Fire on Game & Watch: not an Android game

As with any love affair, you'll understand it hasn't all been plain sailing. I've sat through countless failed tape loads on the Speccy and C64. I've tussled with PC boot floppies, interrupts and 640KB Ram. I've pounded London's Tottenham Court Road vainly seeking transformers and Scart adaptors for imported consoles. And I've overclocked and overheated, water cooled and flooded, or flashed and bricked virtually every device you can think of.

But, thanks mainly to never owning a Virtual Boy, CDi or N-Gage, I've never been quite so frustrated as I find myself with Android gaming. You see, I love gaming. And I love Android. Ergo dim sum Latin, I should love Android gaming.

But I don't. Not at the moment, at least.

Infinity Blade

Infinity Blade: not available on Android

The reasons for my disaffection are manifold, but they're all comparative. It's impossible to philander if there's only one woman in the world, but in the world of touchscreen gaming, iOS is a temptress too seductive to ignore. Her charms are all too plentiful, with World of Goo, Dead Space and Infinity Blade just three examples of a plethora of outstanding games you won't find on Android.

It's not just the quality of games I'm dissatisfied with. Compared to Apple's App Store, Android Market leaves a lot to be desired. Trawling through its unregulated content and poorly categorised aisles proves an exasperating hunt for a gaming needle in a shovelware haystack, one in which you're just as likely to come across Smoke a Bowl - a virtual skunk toking simulator - as you are a bona fide game.

Nova 2

NOVA 2: ditto

It should be easier for me. As an Asus Eee Pad Transformer owner, I'm promised the luxury of dual-core Tegra gaming, courtesy of the dedicated Tegra Zone app. But after three months using it, it seems I'm only privilege to a slow trickle of slightly higher-resolution hand-me-downs of year-old iOS games, such as Galaxy on Fire 2 or Samurai Vengeance II.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Xperia Z3: Crikey, Sony – ANOTHER flagship phondleslab?
The Fourth Amendment... and it IS better
Don't wait for that big iPad, order a NEXUS 9 instead, industry little bird says
Google said to debut next big slab, Android L ahead of Apple event
Microsoft to enter the STRUGGLE of the HUMAN WRIST
It's not just a thumb war, it's total digit war
Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know
'Missy' Cummings on UAVs, smartcars and dying from boredom
Netscape Navigator - the browser that started it all - turns 20
It was 20 years ago today, Marc Andreeesen taught the band to play
A drone of one's own: Reg buyers' guide for UAV fanciers
Hardware: Check. Software: Huh? Licence: Licence...?
The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters
Fandroids, Windows Phone fringe-oids – you wouldn't understand
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.