Ten... festival survival gadgets
Happy camping
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Product Round-up With Beyonce's bouncy appearance at Glastonbury just days away, the festival season is well and truly underway and unless you sell wellies, you're probably praying for sunny skies. It can't hurt to be prepared for the worst, though.
So as you don those prosthetic horse-heads and gallop off for another weekend of hedonism, we sit in our office trying not to be bitter about being left behind, while putting together this fitting roundup for your benefit.
Here's ten of the handiest gadgets to help you out - to improve your festie experience and prevent you from being robbed, drenched or left without friends.
Doberman Perimeter Alarm
Call me paranoid, but we've all had valuables go missing at festivals and it's common for thieves to enter tents when nobody is around. The Doberman Perimeter Alarm is an infra-red security system bound to keep single brain cell criminals in check.
The Doberman spreads an IR perimeter in a 90° sweep reaching 15 feet and turns any tent into mesh of invisible tripwires. If the perimeter is breached, assailants are met with a 100dB alarm sound and will be too busy holding their ears to escape.
Price £17
Etón Scorpion
Eco-friendly products are always good at festivals, not simply due to getting kudos from the surrounding tree-hugger community, but because carrying spare batteries is a 20th Century burden that should be redundant.
Green-tech specialist Etón, which previously brought us the solar-powered iPod dock, also offers this little jack-of-all-trades.
The Scorpion is a splashproof multitasking machine that features a built-in LED lamp and USB charging ports for mobile devices. It's quite the musical companion too, with an FM tuner and line-in, so campers can connect up their MP3 players and annoy any neighbouring Keiths and Candice-Maries.
While the Scorpion can be charged by the mains, it comes with both a solar panel and a handle for crank-power, with an indicator to let you know how replenished the juice is.
If that isn't enough, there's a bottle opener as well. A steal for under £50, surely?
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COMMENTS
Hollyoaks scripwriters working for El Reg
Motorola TLKR T8
....I once brought a set to Glasto a few years back...
No, you TOOK a set.
I can't help it - it's an illness
El Tit
The best security at Glasto is to go as a group of about 15. Arrive late Wednesday. Find a nice patch towards the top corner of a field (but not so close you get the pissers) and set up your tents in a circle all linked together with cris-cross guy ropes and only one entrance. Set up a pole in the middle with a flashing L.E.D. Get a particularly motherly aunt to come along, who'll mostly stay with the tents, reading, knitting, chatting to similar women (or guys even).
Don't even think about moving off until late Monday afternoon.
Worked for us in 2000 and we had a fantastic stress-free time with no worries, no losses, and no getting lost.
Wouldn't an IR sensor see straight through the flimsy fabric of a tent?
The alarm would be set of by every hippy who stumbled past.
If you need a heated sleeping bag then you must have accidentally gone to bed at night. In which case, why not stay at home with your giant slipper and a nice cup of cocoa and listen to the highlights on Radio 2?
And anybody who takes their own speakers to a festival needs to be dragged out by their short hairs and strung up from the security fence as a warning to others.
With the possible exception of the waterproof bags (99p for a roll of twenty posh bin bags from your local supermarket), all of this stuff is about as festival-friendly as a mohair cardigan and stilleto heels.
No wonder Glastonbury has gone all U2 if this is an indication of the state of today's festival goer.
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