Feeds

NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

You're not Babs Windsor, so put 'em away

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

East and North Hertfordshire NHS Trust has decided that its patients do not subscribe to the Sid James school of healthcare and has ordered Babs Windsors to keep their nursely chesticles firmly under wraps.

The clampdown on excessive jubliness forms part of a drive to promote a "professional and consistent" image for doctors and nurses, so in future patients will be spared cleavage, exposed midriffs, denim, shorts, leggings and mini-skirts.

According to the Telegraph, the new policy was formulated following customer complaints, although the idea of someone whining about the sight of a buxom, denim-miniskirted nurse adminstering a foamy bed bath does make you wonder quite what ails the good burghers of Hertfordshire.

Joining mam valleys on the proscribed list are scruffy beards, unkempt fingernails, "hair ribbons, combs and sharp decorative slides". The policy on scrunchies is not noted.

Surprisingly, the unions haven't objected to this clear violation of their members' right to carry on in classic National Health tradition. Hannah Middleton, local Unison branch secretary, said: "We needed a policy that covered all staff whether they were in the clinical side or non-uniform staff.

"There had been complaints from patients about members of staff baring their midriff and problems with health and safety as some had been wearing sandals. There has always been a policy but it has now been toughened up."

The Telegraph helpfully notes that the new rules "adhere to Sex Discrimination Act 1999, Race Relations Act 1976, Human Rights Act 1999 and Employment Equality Regulations 2003", but fails to explain their position vis-à-vis the Kenneth Williams Oooh Matron Act 1967. ®

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Internet Security Threat Report 2014
An overview and analysis of the year in global threat activity: identify, analyze, and provide commentary on emerging trends in the dynamic threat landscape.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.