Feeds

NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

You're not Babs Windsor, so put 'em away

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

East and North Hertfordshire NHS Trust has decided that its patients do not subscribe to the Sid James school of healthcare and has ordered Babs Windsors to keep their nursely chesticles firmly under wraps.

The clampdown on excessive jubliness forms part of a drive to promote a "professional and consistent" image for doctors and nurses, so in future patients will be spared cleavage, exposed midriffs, denim, shorts, leggings and mini-skirts.

According to the Telegraph, the new policy was formulated following customer complaints, although the idea of someone whining about the sight of a buxom, denim-miniskirted nurse adminstering a foamy bed bath does make you wonder quite what ails the good burghers of Hertfordshire.

Joining mam valleys on the proscribed list are scruffy beards, unkempt fingernails, "hair ribbons, combs and sharp decorative slides". The policy on scrunchies is not noted.

Surprisingly, the unions haven't objected to this clear violation of their members' right to carry on in classic National Health tradition. Hannah Middleton, local Unison branch secretary, said: "We needed a policy that covered all staff whether they were in the clinical side or non-uniform staff.

"There had been complaints from patients about members of staff baring their midriff and problems with health and safety as some had been wearing sandals. There has always been a policy but it has now been toughened up."

The Telegraph helpfully notes that the new rules "adhere to Sex Discrimination Act 1999, Race Relations Act 1976, Human Rights Act 1999 and Employment Equality Regulations 2003", but fails to explain their position vis-à-vis the Kenneth Williams Oooh Matron Act 1967. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

10 ways wire data helps conquer IT complexity
IT teams can automatically detect problems across the IT environment, spot data theft, select unique pieces of transaction payloads to send to a data source, and more.
The total economic impact of Druva inSync
Examining the ROI enterprises may realize by implementing inSync, as they look to improve backup and recovery of endpoint data in a cost-effective manner.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.