Feeds

NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

You're not Babs Windsor, so put 'em away

High performance access to file storage

East and North Hertfordshire NHS Trust has decided that its patients do not subscribe to the Sid James school of healthcare and has ordered Babs Windsors to keep their nursely chesticles firmly under wraps.

The clampdown on excessive jubliness forms part of a drive to promote a "professional and consistent" image for doctors and nurses, so in future patients will be spared cleavage, exposed midriffs, denim, shorts, leggings and mini-skirts.

According to the Telegraph, the new policy was formulated following customer complaints, although the idea of someone whining about the sight of a buxom, denim-miniskirted nurse adminstering a foamy bed bath does make you wonder quite what ails the good burghers of Hertfordshire.

Joining mam valleys on the proscribed list are scruffy beards, unkempt fingernails, "hair ribbons, combs and sharp decorative slides". The policy on scrunchies is not noted.

Surprisingly, the unions haven't objected to this clear violation of their members' right to carry on in classic National Health tradition. Hannah Middleton, local Unison branch secretary, said: "We needed a policy that covered all staff whether they were in the clinical side or non-uniform staff.

"There had been complaints from patients about members of staff baring their midriff and problems with health and safety as some had been wearing sandals. There has always been a policy but it has now been toughened up."

The Telegraph helpfully notes that the new rules "adhere to Sex Discrimination Act 1999, Race Relations Act 1976, Human Rights Act 1999 and Employment Equality Regulations 2003", but fails to explain their position vis-à-vis the Kenneth Williams Oooh Matron Act 1967. ®

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise
Not exactly attractive to the Israeli tourist demographic
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.