Feeds

NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

You're not Babs Windsor, so put 'em away

Seven Steps to Software Security

East and North Hertfordshire NHS Trust has decided that its patients do not subscribe to the Sid James school of healthcare and has ordered Babs Windsors to keep their nursely chesticles firmly under wraps.

The clampdown on excessive jubliness forms part of a drive to promote a "professional and consistent" image for doctors and nurses, so in future patients will be spared cleavage, exposed midriffs, denim, shorts, leggings and mini-skirts.

According to the Telegraph, the new policy was formulated following customer complaints, although the idea of someone whining about the sight of a buxom, denim-miniskirted nurse adminstering a foamy bed bath does make you wonder quite what ails the good burghers of Hertfordshire.

Joining mam valleys on the proscribed list are scruffy beards, unkempt fingernails, "hair ribbons, combs and sharp decorative slides". The policy on scrunchies is not noted.

Surprisingly, the unions haven't objected to this clear violation of their members' right to carry on in classic National Health tradition. Hannah Middleton, local Unison branch secretary, said: "We needed a policy that covered all staff whether they were in the clinical side or non-uniform staff.

"There had been complaints from patients about members of staff baring their midriff and problems with health and safety as some had been wearing sandals. There has always been a policy but it has now been toughened up."

The Telegraph helpfully notes that the new rules "adhere to Sex Discrimination Act 1999, Race Relations Act 1976, Human Rights Act 1999 and Employment Equality Regulations 2003", but fails to explain their position vis-à-vis the Kenneth Williams Oooh Matron Act 1967. ®

Seven Steps to Software Security

More from The Register

next story
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1
Beijing fears it could beam secrets back to America
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Mobile application security vulnerability report
The alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, and the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.