Feeds

NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

You're not Babs Windsor, so put 'em away

Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management

East and North Hertfordshire NHS Trust has decided that its patients do not subscribe to the Sid James school of healthcare and has ordered Babs Windsors to keep their nursely chesticles firmly under wraps.

The clampdown on excessive jubliness forms part of a drive to promote a "professional and consistent" image for doctors and nurses, so in future patients will be spared cleavage, exposed midriffs, denim, shorts, leggings and mini-skirts.

According to the Telegraph, the new policy was formulated following customer complaints, although the idea of someone whining about the sight of a buxom, denim-miniskirted nurse adminstering a foamy bed bath does make you wonder quite what ails the good burghers of Hertfordshire.

Joining mam valleys on the proscribed list are scruffy beards, unkempt fingernails, "hair ribbons, combs and sharp decorative slides". The policy on scrunchies is not noted.

Surprisingly, the unions haven't objected to this clear violation of their members' right to carry on in classic National Health tradition. Hannah Middleton, local Unison branch secretary, said: "We needed a policy that covered all staff whether they were in the clinical side or non-uniform staff.

"There had been complaints from patients about members of staff baring their midriff and problems with health and safety as some had been wearing sandals. There has always been a policy but it has now been toughened up."

The Telegraph helpfully notes that the new rules "adhere to Sex Discrimination Act 1999, Race Relations Act 1976, Human Rights Act 1999 and Employment Equality Regulations 2003", but fails to explain their position vis-à-vis the Kenneth Williams Oooh Matron Act 1967. ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.