Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/27/suffolk_cyclist/
Naked cyclist streaks through Suffolk village
'Fun' two-wheeled wheeze ends in conditional discharge
A Suffolk man has discovered  to his cost that the courts do not consider cycling naked through sleepy villages a "fun" activity for a Monday afternoon.
Alexander Purser, 23, was driving through Acton, near Sudbury, on 7 June last year when he "spotted a community speed watch group in a lay-by on the side of the road".
He went home, stripped off, jumped on his bike wearing nothing more than his specs and a pair of trainers, and headed back to entertain the speed trap vigilantes. He later explained he "wanted to see if he could reach 30 miles and hour on his bike naked while travelling through the speed trap".
Purser clarified to Bury St Edmunds Magistrates' Court earlier this week: "I thought it would be fun, both for me and the people manning the speed watch."
Locals disagreed, and quickly racked up a series of 999 calls alerting cops of Purser's proximity to Acton Primary School. Shaken witness Brenda Bailey told the court: "There are a lot of young children in that village and I am sure they wouldn't want to see somebody cycling naked."
Wayne Bird, who also copped an eyeful, reported: "I saw a male on a bike with absolutely nothing on, not even a pair of socks. It was like he was having a slow stroll on his bike. I found it very disgusting, knowing all the children all the children were just about to come home from school."
Purser later confessed to being the naked cyclist when police officers confronted him at his home. He insisted he'd checked his watch before venturing out in order to ensure he had enough time to complete a circuit of Acton before wide-eyed kiddies disgorged from the primary school.
Exposing his credentials to nippers would have been "totally inappropriate", he admitted.
Defending Purser in court, the aptly-named Paul Booty claimed his client had not intended to cause "alarm or distress". He described the whole stunt as a "a jolly good wheeze".
The co-ordinator of the speed watch group, Vincent Humphries, tended to agree. The 61-year-old told the court: "It's not every day you see something like that. I was laughing. It didn't offend me at all."
Magistrates, however, decided that it was "likely Purser was aware his actions would have caused alarm or distress", and slapped him with an 18-month conditional discharge and £500 costs. ®
Thanks to Nigel Brown for the tip-off.