Feeds

Chicago lawyer deploys distractionary dumplings

Court opponent objects to busty 'paralegal'

Intelligent flash storage arrays

A couple of Chicago lawyers are engaged in an unseemly scrap over a busty paralegal, which one claims the other is using in court as a jubular distraction.

Attorneys Thomas Gooch and Dmitry N Feofanov are facing off in a small claims case over a used car. Gooch has objected to the presence in court of Feofanov's assistant Daniella Atencia, who he says is there purely "to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings”.

Gooch insists Atencia isn't actually a real paralegal, and has asked Cook County Circuit Judge Anita Rivkin-Carothers to have her removed to the public gallery.

He said: "Personally, I like large breasts. However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table - when there’s already two lawyers there - dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself."

Feofanov defended that Ms Atencia is indeed a full-fat paralegal, and has been paid as such "in two court orders by Cook County judges".

Gooch countered: "That’s not a qualification. That means Dmitry handed up a bill to a judge that said 'paralegal' on it."

The judge has yet to rule on the weighty matter of Atencia's assets. You can judge for yourselves just how much of a distraction she is down at the Chicago Sun-Times. ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Go beyond APM with real-time IT operations analytics
How IT operations teams can harness the wealth of wire data already flowing through their environment for real-time operational intelligence.
The total economic impact of Druva inSync
Examining the ROI enterprises may realize by implementing inSync, as they look to improve backup and recovery of endpoint data in a cost-effective manner.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.