Feeds

Chicago lawyer deploys distractionary dumplings

Court opponent objects to busty 'paralegal'

The essential guide to IT transformation

A couple of Chicago lawyers are engaged in an unseemly scrap over a busty paralegal, which one claims the other is using in court as a jubular distraction.

Attorneys Thomas Gooch and Dmitry N Feofanov are facing off in a small claims case over a used car. Gooch has objected to the presence in court of Feofanov's assistant Daniella Atencia, who he says is there purely "to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings”.

Gooch insists Atencia isn't actually a real paralegal, and has asked Cook County Circuit Judge Anita Rivkin-Carothers to have her removed to the public gallery.

He said: "Personally, I like large breasts. However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table - when there’s already two lawyers there - dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself."

Feofanov defended that Ms Atencia is indeed a full-fat paralegal, and has been paid as such "in two court orders by Cook County judges".

Gooch countered: "That’s not a qualification. That means Dmitry handed up a bill to a judge that said 'paralegal' on it."

The judge has yet to rule on the weighty matter of Atencia's assets. You can judge for yourselves just how much of a distraction she is down at the Chicago Sun-Times. ®

Build a business case: developing custom apps

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

A new approach to endpoint data protection
What is the best way to ensure comprehensive visibility, management, and control of information on both company-owned and employee-owned devices?
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Maximize storage efficiency across the enterprise
The HP StoreOnce backup solution offers highly flexible, centrally managed, and highly efficient data protection for any enterprise.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.