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Chicago lawyer deploys distractionary dumplings

Court opponent objects to busty 'paralegal'

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A couple of Chicago lawyers are engaged in an unseemly scrap over a busty paralegal, which one claims the other is using in court as a jubular distraction.

Attorneys Thomas Gooch and Dmitry N Feofanov are facing off in a small claims case over a used car. Gooch has objected to the presence in court of Feofanov's assistant Daniella Atencia, who he says is there purely "to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings”.

Gooch insists Atencia isn't actually a real paralegal, and has asked Cook County Circuit Judge Anita Rivkin-Carothers to have her removed to the public gallery.

He said: "Personally, I like large breasts. However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table - when there’s already two lawyers there - dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself."

Feofanov defended that Ms Atencia is indeed a full-fat paralegal, and has been paid as such "in two court orders by Cook County judges".

Gooch countered: "That’s not a qualification. That means Dmitry handed up a bill to a judge that said 'paralegal' on it."

The judge has yet to rule on the weighty matter of Atencia's assets. You can judge for yourselves just how much of a distraction she is down at the Chicago Sun-Times. ®

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