Lock up your lungs, here comes Grimsvotn

Experts are warning those of a delicate pulmonary disposition to brace for the fallout from Icelandic volcano Grimsvotn, due to descend on Blighty tomorrow.

The BBC says the British Lung Foundation and Asthma UK have issued a lung Defcon 4, or thereabouts, ahead of the anticipated alien ash invasion.

The British Lung Foundation's Dr Keith Prowse cautioned: "In light of the latest news that ash from the volcanic eruption in Iceland could reach the UK by Tuesday, we would advise people living with a lung condition in affected areas to carry their medication as a precaution."

Erica Evans, of Asthma UK, advised: "We know that volcanic ash can trigger asthma symptoms like coughing, wheezing and shortness of breath. However, as the ash is very high in the atmosphere it does not pose an immediate problem.

"Asthma UK advises people with asthma to monitor the news to see whether the ash cloud moves closer to the UK. People with asthma should make sure they maintain their regular asthma medicine and keep their emergency inhaler on them at all times."

The Beeb unwisely suggests "the impact of the Grimsvotn volcano looks relatively tame" when compared to last year's Eyjafjallajokullageddon. Cue a Europe-wide infrastructure collapse and apocalyptic scenes as panicked citizens act out Pompeii 2: The Darkening Skies. ®