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El Reg iPhone app rated a flaccid 12+

Bootnotes bureau protests 'Mild Sexual Content' slur

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

It won't have escaped your notice that Vulture Central has unleashed a veritable shedload of mobile apps to deliver The Register to a range of devices, including one for the Jesus Phone and iPad.

Well, we at the Bootnotes bureau were horrified to learn the latter is "Rated 12+ for the following:

  • Infrequent/Mild Alcohol, Tobacco, Drug Use or References to these
  • Infrequent/Mild Sexual Content or Nudity
  • Infrequent/Mild Profanity or Crude Humour

We should point out that this classification was chosen by the powers that be down at Reg Towers, in order to avoid a knock on the door by the Apple content police.

Fair enough, but the suggestion that the team who brought you this kind of headline has somehow lost wood is an outrageous slur against those who have dedicated years of their lives to studiously avoiding any mention of IT in frequent references to heavy alcohol, tobacco and drug use by people who frequently shout profanities while naked.

Accordingly, we're off to work on a cunning plan to sneak more pornography onto the iPad, and leave you to ask yourselves if you want your wide-eyed 12-year-old copping an eyeful of this kind of Amazonian filth on the pages of El Reg:

Screen grab from Amazon UK, showing LaCie Cozy Case for 3.5 inch Hard Dick - Red

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