Feeds

Simply viewing Apple kit provokes religious euphoria

Fanboi brain scan backs Church of Jobs

Security for virtualized datacentres

A team of British neuroscientists has confirmed what IT atheists have known for years - that the brains of Jobsian cult members respond to the sight of Apple products in much the same way that religious believers respond to religious imagery.

In a recent BBC documentary, Secrets of the Superbrands (BBC iPlayer), the neuroscientists ran an MRI scan on the brain of Alex Brooks, the editor of World of Apple, who claims that the Jobsian cult is "definitely" on his mind 24 hours a day. They discovered that photos of things like the iPhone and the iPad make certain parts of his brain all tingly.

"We see quite an amount of changes in the brain when he's actually looking at Apple products, which is quite fascinating," explained professor Gemma Calvert, a neuroscientist at the University of Warwick. "There's much more activity in the visual cortex, an enhanced visual attention, if you like, to Apple products." Much the same thing occurs, she explained, when holy imagery is shown to religious zealots.

"This suggests that the big tech brands have harnessed, or exploit, the brain areas that have evolved to process religion,” she chillingly elaborated.

The study's test group extends to, well, a single person, but our own research indicates the finding can be extrapolated to every fanboi on earth.

In the interests of science, El Reg's San Francisco bureau this morning wrapped a portable MRI scanner around the brain of its very own Apple cult disciple, hopelessly addicted fanboi reporter Rik Myslewski. His grey matter responded to a selection of Apple products in much the same way that the average American responds to images of processed food and Charlie Sheen.

So there you have it. Apple is indeed a religion. Amen. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012
Thanks for the £3k, Zuck. Doh! you're IN CREDIT. Guess not
Google Glassholes are UNDATEABLE – HP exec
You need an emotional connection, says touchy-feely MD... We can do that
Just don't blame Bono! Apple iTunes music sales PLUMMET
Cupertino revenue hit by cheapo downloads, says report
US court SHUTS DOWN 'scammers posing as Microsoft, Facebook support staff'
Netizens allegedly duped into paying for bogus tech advice
Feds seek potential 'second Snowden' gov doc leaker – report
Hang on, Ed wasn't here when we compiled THIS document
Verizon bankrolls tech news site, bans tech's biggest stories
No agenda here. Just don't ever mention Net neutrality or spying, ok?
Inside the EYE of the TORnado: From Navy spooks to Silk Road
It's hard enough to peel the onion, are you hard enough to eat the core?
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The Heartbleed Bug: how to protect your business with Symantec
What happens when the next Heartbleed (or worse) comes along, and what can you do to weather another chapter in an all-too-familiar string of debilitating attacks?