Feeds

White House warns El Reg over kitten-killing content

Vulture Central hack runs for reinforced bunker complex

Build a business case: developing custom apps

I fear this may be the last copy I ever file, following a chilling warning from the White House regarding stories I may or may not write next week, and which could have devastating consequences for the future of humanity.

Earlier today, I ill-advisedly posted a rather tasty flame from "cockhead@dickhead.com", pre-objecting to Rik Myslewski's piece on the Microsoft/Barnes & Noble scandal.

I concluded by offering readers the chance to pre-protest any output to spurt from the Iberian bureau keyboard from next Monday. This was evidently a bad idea, as this email from "president@whitehouse.gov" demonstrates:

Dear Lester,

I feel that what you may or may not write about next week is too controversial even for El Reg. It may cause irreparable harm to the security of the US, other countries and allies. All those young men might die because of what you write. The potential damages to the entertainment industry are truly unlimited. Counterfeit music, movies and musical notes can cause irreparable harm and may lead to increase in unemployment, poverty and kittens' deaths. We need to make the world a safer, better place. We know where you live. And if we're wrong, we'll find out sooner or later.

Yours, Barack.

Well, there's no way I'm risking an encounter with Obama's terrifying black chopper – a beast so stealthy it can creep up on an al Qaeda fanatic who's using a nanolaser to inscribe verses from the Koran on a grain of ricin and doesn't even realise he's got a huge weapon of US vengeance hovering over his head until it disgorges a huge quantity of special ops seamen.

Accordingly, I'm off to my own reinforced bunker complex until the dust settles. Readers concerned for my welfare should rest assured that I'm taking the missus with me to act as a human shield should Navy SEALs penetrate the defensive cordon and catch me with my pants down. Adios. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Maximize storage efficiency across the enterprise
The HP StoreOnce backup solution offers highly flexible, centrally managed, and highly efficient data protection for any enterprise.