Feeds

BOFH: People get annoyed when you try to debug them

Conceal your special gift and do not harness it until the time of the Gathering

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

Episode 4

"You know what I hate?" the PFY asks one morning, looking up from a sheaf of bright pink pages.

"Oooh!" I say "I know this! Short people. Short MEN to be more precise. Short men in authority positions. Short men in authority positions and Mac users. Short men in authority, Mac users and the fact that NO programmable remote control is really all that programmable."

"No, I ..."

"Reality TV. People who make reality TV. People who WATCH reality TV. People who talk about what they watched on reality TV. People who complain about how sh*t reality TV is, then bang on about all the reality TV they watched and how sh*t it was."

"No, I mean ..."

"People who say 'hard drive' when they mean 'computer'. People who say 'computer' when they mean 'screen'. 'Natural' keyboards. The guy wh..."

"No, I mean at the office!"

"Oh. The Boss. The Director. Beancounters. HR PR ..."

"No!"

">sigh< Okay, so what’s on your mind today then?"

"It's these bloody forms!" the PFY snips.

"Ah!" I say, thinking back a couple of days through shimmering low-budget Register screen effects ...

"Team Conference!" the Boss mumbles through the plasters covering a face that looks like it caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a rotary hoe. (A hardware problem) "Ten minutes."

A few minutes later ...

"The company thinks it's a good idea to implement a Personal Goal Setting system," the Boss says, handing a form to each of us, "something that you can use to highlight areas that you wish to improve upon in the coming year."

The blank faces of the assembled staff convince the Boss to continue. "Okay say there's something at work you'd like to get into ..."

In the corner of my eye I see the PFY writing something about the Director's PA's underwear.

>sigh<

"... something related to work of course," the Boss adds.

The PFY ticks a checkbox on his form.

"It could be something you've wanted to get into for some time or just something you'd like to try for a bit of variety."

The PFY scribbles something thankfully illegible down.

"What we want to know is how we can help you achieve your goal."

The PFY starts scribbling furiously. The words GIN and PARTY get underlined several times.

"And we want to help you communicate your achievements to the rest of the staff ..."

The PFY scribbles something followed by FACEBOOK.

"..as an example to others. Something so that others can follow in your footsteps."

I snatch the form off the PFY and crumple it up.

"It fitted the criteria!" the PFY sniffs, in non-italicised present tense. "Anyway, it's better than being lumbered with some pathetic 'Dealing with difficult people' training course."

"Well as your supervisor I felt that you needed to focus on that area. Anyway, I did the course a few years back and it wasn't that bad," I say.

The essential guide to IT transformation

More from The Register

next story
The Return of BSOD: Does ANYONE trust Microsoft patches?
Sysadmins, you're either fighting fires or seen as incompetents now
Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet
Microsoft will move its own IT to the cloud to avoid $200m server bill
Oracle reveals 32-core, 10 BEEELLION-transistor SPARC M7
New chip scales to 1024 cores, 8192 threads 64 TB RAM, at speeds over 3.6GHz
US regulators OK sale of IBM's x86 server biz to Lenovo
Now all that remains is for gov't offices to ban the boxes
Object storage bods Exablox: RAID is dead, baby. RAID is dead
Bring your own disks to its object appliances
Nimble's latest mutants GORGE themselves on unlucky forerunners
Crossing Sandy Bridges without stopping for breath
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
BYOD's dark side: Data protection
An endpoint data protection solution that adds value to the user and the organization so it can protect itself from data loss as well as leverage corporate data.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?