Feeds

Modern-day ninja in epic battle with riot police, robot

Swordsman who laughed at bot, gas, baton rounds felled by Taser

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

A man who was plainly an invincible ninja warrior or similar tangled with police in Maryland recently. The sword-wielding scofflaw successfully resisted ordinary meatbag cops, a police robot, gassing with a "chemical agent" and a volley of low-velocity cosh projectiles from a SWAT team before finally succumbing to the crippling electric current of a Taser stun weapon.

The Washington Post reports on the remarkable eight-hour standoff between local lawmen and Michael R Beach, 44, of Edgewater in Maryland. Apparently a sheriff's deputy attempting to serve a court order on Beach was "lunged at" with a sword on arrival, after which Beach retreated into his home.

The traditional gathering of specialist units and SWAT teams ensued, and in due course the plods tried the standard next move – send in the robots. However the tin cop deployed on this occasion "didn't work".

The lawmen then gassed the troubled swordsman with an unspecified "chemical agent" before forcibly entering his stronghold. Here the SWAT team encountered the testy resident, apparently unaffected by the gas, still "clutching his sword". The assault cops then fired "beanbag" non/less-lethal impact rounds at him from riot guns "but he was unaffected" and managed to beat a fighting retreat into his bathroom.

Only two hours later did the cops manage to finally bust into the bathroom and subdue the obstreperous Beach, whose evident proficiency with a sword and ability to shrug off the effects of robots, gas and riot-gun projectiles could easily be ascribed to mastery of one or more exotic Oriental combat philosophy disciplines. The dauntless swordsman was felled by a Taser electrical stun weapon, which uses twin darts to pass a crippling 20,000-volt pulsed electrical current through a victim's body.

The Post reports that after finally being braceleted, Beach was charged with intent to murder in the second degree, assault, reckless endangerment "and related counts". Apparently the only person hurt during the takedown was Beach, who at one point inflicted a slight wound on himself with his sword. ®

Bootnote

We know this story actually happened a couple of weeks ago. But it involves robots, tasers, chemical weapons and a probable ninja, so we couldn't resist it.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
The Heartbleed Bug: how to protect your business with Symantec
What happens when the next Heartbleed (or worse) comes along, and what can you do to weather another chapter in an all-too-familiar string of debilitating attacks?
Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile
Data demand and the rise of virtualization is challenging IT teams to deliver storage performance, scalability and capacity that can keep up, while maximizing efficiency.