Feeds

April Fools Day's Finest

Trick or... trick

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

3 Big data security analytics techniques

Nonsense round-up We hate April Fools Day. It makes story writing here at Vulture Central extra difficult, sifting through the endless fictional nonsense trying to find something interesting - and true.

However, sometimes the gags can be quite amusing. Here are a few I've stumbled across on my story surfs today.

Facebook Status Display T-Shirt

Don't tell me this is real. I'm sure it's possible, but would anyone actually be that much of a loser that they'd walk around with their FaceCrack status on their chest? Perhaps if you're really desperate for a thumbs up, then suits you, sir.

Playmobil Apple Store Playset

OK, now this one is awesome. The Playmobil Apple store from Think Geek, complete with staff, miniature MacBooks and even a man on a Segway, part of the queue accessory pack. It also advertises that you can use your own iPhone 4 as the presentation screen behind the Steve Jobs Playmobil figure. Jokes.

Playmobil Apple Store Playset

Masturbation calms restless leg syndrome

That's what New Scientist said this morning. I guess it could be true, but how would we know? After all, our office is full of leg restlessness and we're all complete stunners that limit our one-handed activities to mouse movements and dumbbells to keep the perfect physique intact. I'm fooling, of course. I'm the only one with a perfect physique here.

Sunglasses that block out advertising

I would certainly invest in a pair of these bad boys if they existed. No advertisements anywhere is the claim. Billboards would be blurry and they'd be a lot of blank pages in the middle of the newspaper. Brilliant.

Virgin purchases Pluto and reinstates its planetary status

Er, no. Richard Branson has not bought Pluto. Although it's only a matter of time, right?

Crabby

World of Warcraft Dungeon Helper tool

Even WoW has been at it today, putting up a dungeon helper tool reminiscent of the talking paperclip we all know from Office Docs. Except this is a crustacean called Crabby. Smells fishy to me.

Firebox has gone flipping mental

Firebox has lost the plot as usual for April Fools Day, but it's enjoyable none the less. Bacon inhaler? Yum, where do I sign up? Cardboard bicycle? Don't think so, but at least it's thinking outside the box.

Bacon inhaler

And finally, the worst attempt at an April Fools Day award goes to…

MCV takes the booby prize for its abysmal attempt to delude readers into thinking clear cellophane packaging could be wrapped over your iPad to offer glasses-free 3D viewing. It was put up yesterday, for starters. Poor attempt, guys. Step it up next year.

That's it, I'm going to put some cling film over the toilet. Yes it may be bad luck at this time of the day, but it will be bad luck for whoever uses the loo next too. I'd get a video for you all, but I don't want to face any Chuck Berry-style consequences for my actions.

If there's any funny April Fools Day nonsense you've come across too today, feel free to share them in the comments below. ®

SANS - Survey on application security programs

More from The Register

next story
Leaked pics show EMBIGGENED iPhone 6 screen
Fat-fingered fanbois rejoice over Chinternet snaps
Oh no, Joe: WinPhone users already griping over 8.1 mega-update
Hang on. Which bit of Developer Preview don't you understand?
Microsoft lobs pre-release Windows Phone 8.1 at devs who dare
App makers can load it before anyone else, but if they do they're stuck with it
True optical zoom coming to HTC smartphone cameras
Time to ditch that heavy DSLR? Maybe in a year, year and a half
Rounded corners? Pah! Amazon's '3D phone has eye-tracking tech'
Now THAT'S what we call a proper new feature
Feast your PUNY eyes on highest resolution phone display EVER
Too much pixel dust for your strained eyeballs to handle
Zucker punched: Google gobbles Facebook-wooed Titan Aerospace
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon flying broadband-bot
Leaked photos may indicate slimmer next-generation iPad
Will iPad Air evolve into iPad Helium?
US mobile firms cave on kill switch, agree to install anti-theft code
Slow and kludgy rollout will protect corporate profits
prev story

Whitepapers

SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.