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Steve Jobs screws my wife (out of $944)

What do you do with an iPad 2?

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Comment I couldn't tell who was more excited about our new electronic toy: me or my wife.

She snuck out of bed at 3 am local time on March 11 to order me an iPad 2, and considering how much my wife likes sleep, that probably means she still likes me, even after sixteen years of dating and marriage. At least enough to shell out $729 for a white, Verizon-enabled 32 GB iPad 2 from Apple, plus the red leather iPad 2 cover (another $69) and the wireless keyboard (yet another $69). Including $77 in taxes, that was a total of $944 for a birthday present.

But beware the ides of March.

I normally don't want something for my birthday other than a home-made Boston cream pie and a decent beer, but for some reason, the idea of owning an iPad got hold of me. A bit like someone whispering in your ear in a sultry voice that you deserve it. And when my wife said she would pay for it with her own cash, I mean, how the hell was I supposed to resist?

Boston Cream Pie, 2011

Boston cream pie - not a euphemism

I like electronic gadgets as much as the next tech journalist, but I am not usually interested in spending money for toys. I buy machines to do work. I figure that Steve Jobs is rich enough and doesn't need any of my hard-earned cash, so I was just as content to stick with my "road warrior" Hewlett-Packard Mini netbook, which I picked up on the same day I got my Motorola Droid phone on opening day back in November 2009. (I was heading out to the SC09 supercomputing trade show in Portland and my six-year-old LG flip phone had a cracked screen and was an embarrassment).

That Droid was the first product I rushed out to get since I bought a Motorola StarTAC phone back in 1996, when I was starting my first business. Ah, my StarTAC. The StarTAC was the closest thing to a Star Trek communicator that was a real working, er, communicator. I used that phone until it was dead, including repairing the end of the antenna with electrical tape so it wouldn't puncture me if I wore it on my belt in the front instead of near my right kidney, like Captain Kirk (and I) normally did.

I got the Droid because I liked Motorola phones, but also because it was the Anti-Apple product. I didn't want to join the Cult of Steve. But eventually, I gave in. And, well, I have to admit, there are some Apples in my past.

I cut my computing teeth on an old Ohio Scientific Z80 machine with dual eight-inch floppy drives back in the early 1980s. I had a Commodore 64 too, way back then. But it was the Apple II that my best friend's uncle bought on a whim that really taught us what computers could do. I'm talking about playing games, of course.

My friend's uncle was a marine biologist who also happened to work at a manufacturing plant that got one of IBM's very first System/38 relational database midrange computers, and he programmed an entire ERP system all by his lonesome to run that business. He really didn't have anything to spend money on, so every Saturday he took two teenagers to the mall to buy music and get Chinese food and then over to the computer store to buy Apple games, then a quick dash home to play them.

TPM iPad 2 desktop

Work, and play, and more work.
Yes, that's an original HP 12C.

We loved Castle Wolfenstein, of course, as well as Flight Simulator and Horse Racing Classic (yes, we gambled). Choplifter, where you are a combat helicopter pilot trying to rescue troops from a battlefield, was another one I played constantly. I have never gotten over Cytron Masters, a chess game that had battle bots instead of chivalric elites and peasants fighting. You programmed your pieces to move and fight in precise ways and then set them all loose at the same time to see who would win. All kidding aside, Uncle Dickie spent tens of thousands of dollars on games for us over the years - and that was back when this was real money.

This must have been lurking in the back of my brain, when, one night, my wife and I went out on a date in the Soho district (no, we don't do that often) with some friends. We passed the Apple store and I told her to go in and get a phone. I knew I was leaving town, and she didn't have a cell phone for our children to call.

Yes, we were drunk. But she grew up with Macs and didn't need much encouragement to buy a shiny new toy with the bitten apple emblazoned on it. The user interface on the Jesus Phone is hypnotic, as you probably know, and it wasn't long before I was shelling out money for my two kids' birthdays that next summer to get them iPod Touches. We were all now addicted to the touch in the Prickett-Morgan household.

And so, my wife bought me an iPad 2.

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