Feeds

Out of shape? Not had sex for years? Watch out

When you finally do get lucky you might DIE

Security for virtualized datacentres

Bad news today for idle crisp-scoffing lardos who seldom get much attention from the opposite/desired sex: when you finally do achieve some boudoir action, there is a measurable chance that the excitement will kill you.

The news comes in a new study-of-studies conducted by docs in America, investigating the causes of heart attacks. It seems on first superficial glance that the safest thing is to stay on the sofa and make sure that nobody joins you there. Low-level physical activity of any kind, including steamy sessions of rumpy-pumpy, triple the risk of a sudden catastrophic ticker mishap. Proper exercise quintuples it.

Even so, the medi-boffins conducting the research caution that their message should not be misunderstood.

"It would be really bad if someone thought our paper means people should not exercise," Dr Issa Dahabreh tells the AP. "If anything, it's the opposite."

Rather than advocating a state of terrified immobility so as to avoid any potentially fatal exertion or nookie, the docs point out that in general people who suffer heart attacks are older - typically late 50s or more. Furthermore, the deadliness of sex - or indeed any other kind of exertion - mainly results from not having done any for a long time previously.

In other words, the more you do it the safer it is. And should companionship not be forthcoming, rather than moping in a sessile condition on the floor of the pie cupboard, one should stay fit in order to avoid fatal consequences when you finally do get lucky.

"Engaging in regular physical activity is a requirement for maintaining a long, safe, healthy sex life," says heart disease expert Mercedes Carnethon, commenting on the new calculations to the AP. "If this isn't more motivation for people to maintain some degree of physical activity, I'm not sure what is."

Particularly for those of a certain age having abstained from exercise or jig-jig for some time, the advice is to ease back into it gradually: one should start exercising again with some relatively gentle activity as opposed to, say, the Ironman Triathlon. Likewise those having had a lengthy stay on the bench sex-wise should probably not kick off with a huge Italian prime minister style orgy.

Nonetheless one should also bear in mind that risk to individuals is very low even if you do suddenly get lucky after years of belt-busting idleness. Among 10,000 people all suddenly cranking up their activity levels by an hour a week, only two or three would suffer heart attacks.

The research is published today in the Journal of the American Medical Association. ®

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
SECRET U.S. 'SPACE WARPLANE' set to return from SPY MISSION
Robot minishuttle X-37B returns after almost 2 years in orbit
LOHAN crash lands on CNN
Overflies Die Welt en route to lively US news vid
America's super-secret X-37B plane returns to Earth after nearly TWO YEARS aloft
674 days in space for US Air Force's mystery orbital vehicle
'Utter killjoy Reg hacks have NEVER BEEN LAID', writes a fan
'Shuddit, smarty pants!' Some readers reacted badly to our last Doctor Who review ...
Experts brand LOHAN's squeaky-clean box
Phytosanitary treatment renders Vulture 2 crate fit for export
Carry On Cosmonaut: Willful Child is a poor taste Star Trek parody
Cringeworthy, crude and crass jokes abound in Steven Erikson’s sci-fi debut
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.