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Latvian film fan pops cap in loud popcorn eater

Black Swan enlivened by mastication-provoked slaying

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Updated Latvian cops cuffed a 27-year-old man on Saturday for allegedly popping a cap in a fellow cinemagoer for eating popcorn too loudly during a screening of Black Swan.

According to a report by local news agency Leta, regurgitated in the Guardian, the 42-year-old victim died of wounds sustained during a screening of the terpsichorean angstfest starring Natalie Portman.

Following a brief discussion over the offending popcorn, the shooter whipped out a "legally registered" piece and ensured that never again would Riga's Forum cinema complex be forced to suffer offensive mastication.

The perp is apparently "a graduate of the police academy who holds a doctorate in law from the University of Latvia". As an evident fan of the divine Ms Portman, we can only suggest his legal judgment and ammunition would have been better spent dispensing justice to those responsible for forcing the poor girl to participate in The Phantom Menace. ®

Update

We're obliged to a Latvian reader for clarifying that the shooter was actually the one eating crisps in a disorderly fashion when the victim complained. The former waited until the end of the movie before making his fatal move, at which point he was overpowered by other audience members until cops arrived. We have no information on the flavour of the crisps.

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