Latvian film fan pops cap in loud popcorn eater
Black Swan enlivened by mastication-provoked slaying
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Updated Latvian cops cuffed a 27-year-old man on Saturday for allegedly popping a cap in a fellow cinemagoer for eating popcorn too loudly during a screening of Black Swan.
According to a report by local news agency Leta, regurgitated in the Guardian, the 42-year-old victim died of wounds sustained during a screening of the terpsichorean angstfest starring Natalie Portman.
Following a brief discussion over the offending popcorn, the shooter whipped out a "legally registered" piece and ensured that never again would Riga's Forum cinema complex be forced to suffer offensive mastication.
The perp is apparently "a graduate of the police academy who holds a doctorate in law from the University of Latvia". As an evident fan of the divine Ms Portman, we can only suggest his legal judgment and ammunition would have been better spent dispensing justice to those responsible for forcing the poor girl to participate in The Phantom Menace. ®
Update
We're obliged to a Latvian reader for clarifying that the shooter was actually the one eating crisps in a disorderly fashion when the victim complained. The former waited until the end of the movie before making his fatal move, at which point he was overpowered by other audience members until cops arrived. We have no information on the flavour of the crisps.
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COMMENTS
popcorn and snacks
and noisy teenagers that can't shut up through a movie...
are the main reasons I hardly ever go to the cinema anymore.. yes its nice having a huge screen and big dolby digital surround sound.. but I prefer being able to curl up on the sofa with my mrs and not have to put up with the local teens chatting amongst themselves and making a racket while I watch a movie..
not to mention the fact that its almost a TENNER a pop nowadays..
I guess if I moved out to a posh area maybe it wouldn't be so bad
oh..
plus the fact that despite paying the best part of ten quid, there are 20 minutes of adverts to sit through before the movie actually starts.. of course I could show up 20 minutes later but then run the risk of having to sit right at the front in the corner..
my sofa on the other hand is always placed in optimum viewing position for my tv, and the movie starts exactly when I want
Re: Terpsichorean
What we need here is a Countdown-style Filth-O-Tron to turn terpsichorean into some hideous term of abuse which can then be used to traumatise some wide-eyed kiddie and get us a bit of coverage in the Sun.
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