Feeds

Florida lag packs prison survival kit up jacksie

Deputies extract pills, cig, matches, syringe, paperwork kitchen sink

Build a Business Case: Developing Custom Apps

A Florida lag was last week relieved of the substantial prison surival kit he attempted to smuggle into Sarasota County jail in the time-honoured manner - packed in a condom up his jacksie.

Police mugshot of Neil LansingOn Friday, homeless Neil Lansing, 33, was hauled before a judge on an unspecified charge, and promptly dispatched to prison. There, "corrections deputies conducting a routine search in a cellblock found part of a condom sticking out of his rectum", the local Herald-Tribune explains.

Lansing's determination to cram as much as possible where the sun don't shine was clearly his undoing, since we doubt even the most experienced lag's rectum can successfully keep "17 round blue pills*, one cigarette, six matches, one flint, one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle, one lip balm container, one additional unused condom, a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon" hidden from screws' experienced eyes.

Lansing now faces charges of possession of "a drug and a tobacco product" inside the jail. ®

Bumnote

*Not Viagra, we assume, since they're lozenge-shaped. Evidently, Lansing wasn't planning on doing some really hard time. What?

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Storm-battered Rockall adventurer recalls 'worst experience of my life'
'I have never been so scared', admits Nick Hancock
It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod
BZZZT: Slapper man seeks funds for jolt-a-slacker device
Dubai to get HUGE climate-controlled DOMED CITY and giga-mall
Cosmetic surgery with direct access to shopping and a show
Down-with-the-kidz Apple stuffs up with wild 'funness' claims
That word: I do not think it means what you think it means
Ham-fisted farmer fear: A peanut-butter-and-iPhone sandwich
Potential grain store contamination - report
Rockall batters plucky Brit adventurer
Nick Hancock plans retreat, as storm blows food supplies off North Atlantic islet
Elon Musk to fund Tesla museum with 'ONE MEEELLION DOLLARS'
Will kick in the cost of James Bond car to the cause, says Oatmeal comic man
El Reg nips down IKEA's 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'
Spanish flatpack store does indeed lie on splendidly named thoroughfare
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
The Power of One eBook: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem
Only the Power of One delivers leading infrastructure convergence, availability and scalability with federation, and agility through data center automation.
Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable
Learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.