Feeds

Pitiless teen burglar murders three witnesses

Dead fish don't talk

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

An Illinois teenager is facing residential burglary and cruelty to animals raps after killing a trio of potential witnesses to an Arlington Heights burglary - three goldfish.

On 24 January, the unnamed 16-year-old and two accomplices, aged 15 and 17, targeted an apartment in a block which had been evacuated following a fire on 19 January. Police say they "pried open a door and stole a video game system, CD player, 30 video games, 30 DVDs, a BB gun, jewelry and a safe".

When the residents returned, they discovered "hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices had been poured into their fish tank and three goldfish floating at the top", the local Daily Herald reports.

The perps were subsequently cuffed and the fish-killer admitted the motive for the slaughter.

Sgt Mike Hernandez of the Arlington Heights Police Department explained: “As a matter of fact, it’s a little disturbing. According to the police report, he looked at the fish tank and said ‘We can’t leave any witnesses.’”

Cops were able to track some of the cold-hearted killers' stolen booty to local pawn shops, Hernandez noted. The three now face trial in juvenile court. ®

Bootnote

The court should show the perp a degree of mercy for not falling for the myth that goldfish have a memory measured in seconds. They can apparently recall stuff for up to three months, making the victims in this case potential key prosecution witnesses.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Driving business with continuous operational intelligence
Introducing an innovative approach offered by ExtraHop for producing continuous operational intelligence.
10 threats to successful enterprise endpoint backup
10 threats to a successful backup including issues with BYOD, slow backups and ineffective security.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.