Post-a-puppy woman hit with cruelty charges
Dogs can survive anything but the US Postal Service
A Minneapolis woman has been hit with animal cruelty charges after she tried to relocate a puppy to Atlanta, via airmail.
Stacey Champion told post office workers in downtown Minneapolis to be particularly careful with the tightly sealed package she submitted for sending as a birthday gift to a relative in Georgia.
Champion warned workers not to worry if the box appeared to emit sounds, as it contained a toy robot.
However, the posties' suspicions were aroused when the package started panting. They promptly unwrapped it to reveal a four-month-old puppy, described as a black poodle-Schnauzer mix called Guess.
Apparently the pooch was very happy to get out of the package. A police spokesman told The Star Tribune that the dog would not have survived transit, though whether this is because of the way it was packed or because the US Postal Service is not particularly speedy was not detailed.
For her part, Champion asked for a refund for the $22 she'd already paid for freighting the puppy, as well as the money she'd attached to the dog's collar. Apparently she's not particularly interested in the puppy.
Even if Guess had survived the transit, it is debatable whether the dog would have survived the unboxing, as this Velvet Underground classic makes clear. ®
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Don't bother with prison, just put her in a tightly sealed package and stick her in a warehouse somewhere.
...a wheelie bin?
It might have been a dog, you cannot know until you look in the box...
According to the Copenhagen interpretation, when Schrödinger's cat is in the box it exists as a superposed wave function which is not collapsed until it is observed.
You cannot tell if the cat is alive or dead (it is both). You also cannot tell if Schrödinger accidentally put a dog in there instead (it is that too).
As for the original article; I call Hanlon's razor.....