Runaway hydroponic fungus attacks real-world Starship Voyager
'Mould in transporter' horror caused by below-decks dope farm
The Leicestershire Trekkie who turned his flat into a replica of the Starship Voyager spent two years battling an alien mould attack, unaware that it was caused by a dope farm in the property below.
Tony Alleyne, 57, spunked £30k to convert his Hinckley gaff* into a homage to Star Trek, but was forced to do some serious onboard maintenance as fungus threatened the ship's operations.
He told the Leicester Mercury: "I had no idea what was causing it but there was mould in the bathroom and the transporter. It was a nightmare. I've had to remove the panelling and replace some lighting. I sugar-soaped the surfaces but nothing worked."
The matter was resolved in November, when cops busted the downstairs flat. Alleyne explained: "The police came and knocked on the door of the place below and took away 25 cannabis plants and the equipment. I couldn't believe there was something like that going on right below me.
"When the police took the hydroponics away, all that stuff looked as hi-tech as my place. It takes a lot of heat and humidity to grow cannabis and having that going on below me was causing the problem with the mould."
Alleyne is now repainting and repanelling the ship, which will probably cost him "a few thousand pounds". Back in 2006, his love of Star Trek ended in the bankruptcy court, after a failed attempt to launch a interior design business for fellow Trekkies.
Voyager is actually owned by his ex-wife, who's given up trying to flog the peculiar property.
TV companies have shown rather more interest, though. Alleyne said: "A French crew came and saw the problems I was having with the mould. They even filmed me going to Focus in Hinckley to buy paint to try to sort it." ®
* It wasn't until today that I learned that "gaff" also refers to male underwear (link NSFW) designed to conceal one's wedding tackle. I'm delighted to have plugged this particular gap in my vocabulary.
Space opera vs. space cadets
One flat was expensively fitted out to enable people to feel like they're in space; while the other is owned by a trekkie...
Just reverse the polarity
That usually sorts everything out.
Space, the final front room...
These are the voyages of enterprising stoners, their continuing mission to explore strange new strains, to seek out new lights and new cultivations, to boldy grow where so many have grown before.
*cue strange wailing music; Dead Can Dance, FSOL, Deep Forest, William Orbit or some such*