Man caught w*nking over Alan Sugar's autobiography
The book that just keeps on giving
A man was caught masturbating in a public library while perusing Lord Alan Sugar's autobiography.
The Sun reports that the unnamed individual was cuffed by police last Thursday at Crawley Library in West Sussex.
The man, who is in his 30s, was seen behaving oddly as he browsed books in the biz section of the library.
He eventually selected Sugar's What You See Is What You Get autobiography.
More surprisingly, he covered his lap with his coat and started having what the Hackney, London-born star of The Apprentice might refer to as a tommy tank.
He was detained by security guards, after staff at the library saw the man toying with his todger. Police held the man on suspicion of outraging public decency.
An anonymous source who witnessed the man masturbating told The Sun: "He spent about 20 minutes looking through the books in the business section before selecting Alan Sugar's autobiography.
"He was behaving rather oddly so we kept an eye on him and then he just sat down with his coat over his lap and started pleasuring himself as he looked through the book.
"It was very bizarre behaviour and our security guys got a hold of him before too many people saw what he was doing."
The man was banned from returning to the library and cautioned by police.
Lord Alan, who has been wasting lots of time being shouty at Piers Morgan on Twitter, offered his own thoughts about the sorry incident this morning.
"Pervert Caught Pleasuring Himself In Library While Reading my Book http://bit.ly/eERw6U mixing business with pleasure? Piers was that you?" ®
"Piers was that you?"
Sralan I don't like you but hats off for that one.
But Piers Moron Morgan
Is a complete and utter turd! Everyone should be shouting, tweeting, and posting on what a c**t Piers is.
You are assuming that he was getting his jollies from the book, it ain't necessarily so. One of the things one would need, if one were the sort to jack off in a public place, is something to clean up with. There's only one thing more antisocial than performing the five fingered shuffle in public and that's leaving jism all over the place afterwards.
Name something else found in a Public Library that's a more suitable substitute for bog paper. I have to assume that the Mandelson memoir was out on loan (which would suggest an even more vile perversion is going on - someone, somewhere's reading the Mandelson book).