Feeds

US politician: 'homosexual agenda' behind TSA groin grope

Pleasure from 'your submission'

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

A US politician says he's uncovered the real reason for the recently introduced groin-grabbing TSA patdowns. He claims they're part of the dreaded, morals-sapping, country-destroying homosexual agenda.

"The next TSA official that gives you an 'enhanced pat down' could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission," Loudoun County, Virginia, supervisor Eugene Delgaudio wrote in an email to his followers in the conservative organization Public Advocate, of which he is president.

The target of Delgaudio's wrath is the TSA's non-discrimination policy, which he identifies as "The federal employee's version of the Gay Bill of Special Rights."

In Delgaudio's righteous opinion, this policy means that the next TSA employee to touch your junk might be ... gasp! ... gay.

Loudoun County, Virginia, supervisor Eugene Delgaudio

Eugene Delgaudio, defender of everything that is upright — well maybe not everything...

Delgaudio's email was obtained by WUSA9.com, which also reports that although the hugely hetero hero makes $40,000 a year as a county supervisor, he pulls in $150,000 as president of an organization whose website proudly proclaims its mission to include "defending the rights of fathers, mothers and children to live their lives free from government intrusions."

Unless, of course, those fathers, mothers, and children happen to be gay.

Earlier this year, as pointed out by WTOP.com, Delgaudio promoted a petition in opposition to the US Student Non-Discrimination Act, which he said would "turn America's schools into indoctrination centers ... its classrooms into social laboratories ... its playgrounds into homosexual breeding grounds."

Delgaudio, ever the witty wordsmith, renamed the anti-discrimination bill the "Homosexual Classrooms Act".

In a recent fundraising appeal, the muy macho master of moralistic manliness warned: "Wedding-gown clad men smooching before some left-wing clergy or state official is just the beginning," and that "You'll see men hand-in-hand skipping down to adoption centers to 'pick out' a little boy for themselves."

Or, for that matter, airports will be chockablock with buff, pierced leathermen crowded into TSA perv-scan booths, drooling over grainy images of forbidden fruits.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but mayhap Supervisor Delgaudio doth protesteth too much. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.