Feeds

US politician: 'homosexual agenda' behind TSA groin grope

Pleasure from 'your submission'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

A US politician says he's uncovered the real reason for the recently introduced groin-grabbing TSA patdowns. He claims they're part of the dreaded, morals-sapping, country-destroying homosexual agenda.

"The next TSA official that gives you an 'enhanced pat down' could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission," Loudoun County, Virginia, supervisor Eugene Delgaudio wrote in an email to his followers in the conservative organization Public Advocate, of which he is president.

The target of Delgaudio's wrath is the TSA's non-discrimination policy, which he identifies as "The federal employee's version of the Gay Bill of Special Rights."

In Delgaudio's righteous opinion, this policy means that the next TSA employee to touch your junk might be ... gasp! ... gay.

Loudoun County, Virginia, supervisor Eugene Delgaudio

Eugene Delgaudio, defender of everything that is upright — well maybe not everything...

Delgaudio's email was obtained by WUSA9.com, which also reports that although the hugely hetero hero makes $40,000 a year as a county supervisor, he pulls in $150,000 as president of an organization whose website proudly proclaims its mission to include "defending the rights of fathers, mothers and children to live their lives free from government intrusions."

Unless, of course, those fathers, mothers, and children happen to be gay.

Earlier this year, as pointed out by WTOP.com, Delgaudio promoted a petition in opposition to the US Student Non-Discrimination Act, which he said would "turn America's schools into indoctrination centers ... its classrooms into social laboratories ... its playgrounds into homosexual breeding grounds."

Delgaudio, ever the witty wordsmith, renamed the anti-discrimination bill the "Homosexual Classrooms Act".

In a recent fundraising appeal, the muy macho master of moralistic manliness warned: "Wedding-gown clad men smooching before some left-wing clergy or state official is just the beginning," and that "You'll see men hand-in-hand skipping down to adoption centers to 'pick out' a little boy for themselves."

Or, for that matter, airports will be chockablock with buff, pierced leathermen crowded into TSA perv-scan booths, drooling over grainy images of forbidden fruits.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but mayhap Supervisor Delgaudio doth protesteth too much. ®

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.