BURNING LUST for SEXY BUSTY BLONDES - Science explains
Marilyn Monroe babe race to replace today's drab ladies
Women long for the classic Barbie figure with big boobs, long blonde hair and blue eyes because it makes men want to impregnate them, an evolutionary psychologist has proclaimed.
London School of Economics reader Satoshi Kanazawa has successfully manipulated the more malleable and shameless news outlets into excitedly regurgitating the provocative theories contained in his book, Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature. He explains that the traditional attributes of the buxom blonde babe have evolutionary advantages, as the Daily Mail duly recounts.
Big boobs are supposedly indicative of fertility, along with a large waist-to-hip ratio. Blonde hair displays grey hairs less obviously, thus concealing age - men prefer the younger bird for a better shot at passing on their DNA, sensibly enough.
Blue eyes, Kanazawa points out, more clearly display pupil dilation, which occurs when the peepers' owner sees something she likes. Thus a man can tell more quickly if a blue-eyed woman fancies a bit or not, saving precious sharking time at the bar.
Kanazawa further postulates that women are getting hotter and having lovelier daughters, while men are regrettably as fugly as ever they were. Beautiful women have more children than the overlooked homely types, and also have more female children, and on it goes in a wondrous babeification of the species.
Presumably this will eventually drop off as beautiful, desirable women who can have their pick of the boys grow disillusioned with the bumping-along-the-bottom unappealingness of the other gender, and opt to remain single and open animal sanctuaries in the countryside instead of procreating. But more research is needed, clearly.
The nifty psychologist has been entertaining us for some months now with his brilliant idiot-friendly, hedonist-flattering theories. This year he's enlightened us as to why more intelligent people are liberal and partake of more fags, booze and drugs, and why night people are smarter than morning people (we always knew this, but then we're clever from staying up late all the time, so we would know - do you see?).
Kanazawa's blog, The Scientific Fundamentalist, is here. ®
He even has something for the froth-averse IT-angle-hungry Reg reader, with his explanation of why Bill Gates is no longer the king of computing.
To wit: the 'age-genius curve' dictates that a person takes greater risks earlier in life and more fully expresses their genius, if they have it, before getting more comfortable in middle-age after the frantic competition for a mate winds down. Gates was driven to make the most of his abilities earlier in his life, when it would get him laid, and having successfully made a family and conquered the universe, the impetus was no longer there. This appears to be a development of the already well-worn theory put by Professor Sick Boy of Edinburgh University in the early Nineties, popularly referred to as "So we all get old and cannae hack it any more, is that it" theory.
Something women have trouble getting their head around
Quite a lot of blokes don't actually like big tits. Ask around, you'd be surprised.
As for eye colour, it doesn't matter a damn.
A smile wins every time.
A ray of hope.
As one of the "fugly" and "bumping-along-the-bottom unappealingness" types, I can only draw the author's attention to what I think of as the Merton effect:
"So what first attracted you to the multimillionaire Paul Daniels?"
Whilst not averse to the larger bosom, a nice rounded bum, proper hips and shapely legs attract me the most (plus nice face too obviously) . As the great Spinal Tap said 'The bigger the cushion...'.
Mind you having only ever been with shapely legged, rounded bummed ladies with proper hips I've never managed to bag one with large lady bumps as well so I've no idea whether I've missed out or not. I'd like to find out but I think the wife would disapprove.