Feeds

Wikileaks: Berlusconi useless, Pope Catholic

Shock 'revelations' shake western democracies

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

The release today of leaked US State Department cables is unlikely, despite some media claims, to shake western democracy to the very foundation of sub-prime mortgages on which it stands.

Among the Wikileaks shockers are the descriptions of Silvio Berlusconi as "feckless, vain, and ineffective as a modern European leader", French prez Nick Sarko as a "naked emperor" and Iranian supremo Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as "Hitler".

If we consider further revelations that Prince Andrew has inherited his dad's loose tongue, the US sometimes spies on people, and China has used "internet outlaws" to hack into foreign computer systems, it's evident that it just remains for Wikileaks to expose a Hillary Clinton classified missive declaring the Pope "probably Catholic" to complete the dossier from the Department of the Bleedin' Obvious.

The only real eye-opener is that Colonel Gaddafi rarely travels without his Ukrainian nurse - a "voluptuous blonde". Whether she was recommended to him by Berlusconi and the feckless Italian's good chum Vladimir "Batman" Putin is not disclosed.

The coming weeks will see further Wikileaks exposés, assuming Chinese internet outlaws hired by the CIA at the behest of the King of Saudi Arabia don't do for the whistle-blowing website with a massive DDoS attack.

So, here's looking forward to some real dirt, including:

  • A top US official once described Kim Jong Il as "a bit like Hitler, but without the dog-loving vegetarian hang-ups".
  • The same official summarised Nicolas Sarkozy as "shorter than that Italian broad he hangs out with, but probably a bit taller than Kim Jong Il".
  • A high-level diplomat dismissed a proposed honeytrap operation against the Tory Party with the words: "We consider it unlikely the charms of Paris Hilton will prove effective on William Hague."
  • Senior US military figures warned that Iran had the capability to put a cloned dog into space "within 10 years".
  • The Yemeni government agreed to assume full responsibility for Sarah Palin in return for "substantial military aid".
  • A CIA memo conceded Google had "probably done some evil, somewhere".
  • A White House spokesman once admitted to a group of shocked Afghan government ministers that Linday Lohan "isn't up to much as an actress".
  • An internal Pentagon email described the iPad's lack of Flash as "dumbass".
  • The US Department of State planned to waterboard the entire population of San Francisco "to gain vital information on an alleged al-Qaeda plan to disastrously inflate seafood prices at Fisherman's Wharf". ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.