Feeds

BOFH: Pain fear games

It's an austere year ahead - let's get festive

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

High performance access to file storage

And yet the money ends up being spent anyway

“They transfer the money to us but unfortunately we don’t have enough time to process the transaction, place and order with a vendor and have it delivered and receipted in that financial year. So we’d end up with an item having to be paid for out of next year’s budget...”

“And yet the money ends up being spent anyway,” the Boss says

“Some of it does,” The PFY agrees “On incidentals – just rats-and-mice end-of-year expenses.”

“Rats-and-mice end-of-year expenses like 4 cases of wine?”

“Departments are permitted – nay encouraged - to give a small gifts to other departments to foster end-of-year goodwill.”

“Three new laptops.”

“Off-the-shelf items that are used for remote access by some users. With no lead time for delivery they’re easy to purchase with any end-of-year surplus.”

“A 54 inch Plasma TV and a case of whisky.”

“For Security. Long work, often in very lonely surroundings, we feel it’s important to recognise them with something special.”

“Well it’s not going to happen this year! The departmental managers have agreed that they’d rather not risk any untoward incidents this year and have elected instead to give Christmas bonuses in lieu of the costs of an official function.”

“Well everyone likes a cash bonus I guess,” the PFY nods

“Well it’s not exactly cash. To foster keeping money in-house we’ve decided to issue meal vouchers as the bonus.”

“Meal vouchers? But the meals are free!”

“Not as of next year... For anyone below level 4.7 pay grade leastways.”

“So there’s no more Christmas wine?”

“No.”

“No more freebie laptops?”

“No.”

“No more TVs and whisky”

“No.”

. . .

In retrospect the paintball game was the best Christmas activity the PFY and I have ever organised. Three elevators' worth of management types, all frantically groping around in a darkened basement for their car keys while an assortment of 4.6 and under pay grade staff armed with night vision goggles and high powered fully automatic paintball guns bombarded them with ½ frozen pellets.

And security apparently saw nothing.

Must have been a power glitch...

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Seagate brings out 6TB HDD, did not need NO STEENKIN' SHINGLES
Or helium filling either, according to reports
European Court of Justice rips up Data Retention Directive
Rules 'interfering' measure to be 'invalid'
Dropbox defends fantastically badly timed Condoleezza Rice appointment
'Nothing is going to change with Dr. Rice's appointment,' file sharer promises
Cisco reps flog Whiptail's Invicta arrays against EMC and Pure
Storage reseller report reveals who's selling what
Bored with trading oil and gold? Why not flog some CLOUD servers?
Chicago Mercantile Exchange plans cloud spot exchange
Just what could be inside Dropbox's new 'Home For Life'?
Biz apps, messaging, photos, email, more storage – sorry, did you think there would be cake?
IT bods: How long does it take YOU to train up on new tech?
I'll leave my arrays to do the hard work, if you don't mind
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
HP ArcSight ESM solution helps Finansbank
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.