Feeds

BOFH: Pain fear games

It's an austere year ahead - let's get festive

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

And yet the money ends up being spent anyway

“They transfer the money to us but unfortunately we don’t have enough time to process the transaction, place and order with a vendor and have it delivered and receipted in that financial year. So we’d end up with an item having to be paid for out of next year’s budget...”

“And yet the money ends up being spent anyway,” the Boss says

“Some of it does,” The PFY agrees “On incidentals – just rats-and-mice end-of-year expenses.”

“Rats-and-mice end-of-year expenses like 4 cases of wine?”

“Departments are permitted – nay encouraged - to give a small gifts to other departments to foster end-of-year goodwill.”

“Three new laptops.”

“Off-the-shelf items that are used for remote access by some users. With no lead time for delivery they’re easy to purchase with any end-of-year surplus.”

“A 54 inch Plasma TV and a case of whisky.”

“For Security. Long work, often in very lonely surroundings, we feel it’s important to recognise them with something special.”

“Well it’s not going to happen this year! The departmental managers have agreed that they’d rather not risk any untoward incidents this year and have elected instead to give Christmas bonuses in lieu of the costs of an official function.”

“Well everyone likes a cash bonus I guess,” the PFY nods

“Well it’s not exactly cash. To foster keeping money in-house we’ve decided to issue meal vouchers as the bonus.”

“Meal vouchers? But the meals are free!”

“Not as of next year... For anyone below level 4.7 pay grade leastways.”

“So there’s no more Christmas wine?”

“No.”

“No more freebie laptops?”

“No.”

“No more TVs and whisky”

“No.”

. . .

In retrospect the paintball game was the best Christmas activity the PFY and I have ever organised. Three elevators' worth of management types, all frantically groping around in a darkened basement for their car keys while an assortment of 4.6 and under pay grade staff armed with night vision goggles and high powered fully automatic paintball guns bombarded them with ½ frozen pellets.

And security apparently saw nothing.

Must have been a power glitch...

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Azure TITSUP caused by INFINITE LOOP
Fat fingered geo-block kept Aussies in the dark
NASA launches new climate model at SC14
75 days of supercomputing later ...
Yahoo! blames! MONSTER! email! OUTAGE! on! CUT! CABLE! bungle!
Weekend woe for BT as telco struggles to restore service
Cloud unicorns are extinct so DiData cloud mess was YOUR fault
Applications need to be built to handle TITSUP incidents
BOFH: WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from?
Don't worry about that cable, it's part of the config
Stop the IoT revolution! We need to figure out packet sizes first
Researchers test 802.15.4 and find we know nuh-think! about large scale sensor network ops
DEATH by COMMENTS: WordPress XSS vuln is BIGGEST for YEARS
Trio of XSS turns attackers into admins
SanDisk vows: We'll have a 16TB SSD WHOPPER by 2016
Flash WORM has a serious use for archived photos and videos
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Go beyond APM with real-time IT operations analytics
How IT operations teams can harness the wealth of wire data already flowing through their environment for real-time operational intelligence.
The total economic impact of Druva inSync
Examining the ROI enterprises may realize by implementing inSync, as they look to improve backup and recovery of endpoint data in a cost-effective manner.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.