Feeds

BOFH: Pain fear games

It's an austere year ahead - let's get festive

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Protecting against web application threats using SSL

Episode 18

“I don’t understand” the PFY says “We’re not invited to any parties?”

“Apparently not. The rest of the department are, but this is one Christmas you’ll not be visiting any of the other departments!”

“But we always go to departmental Christmas functions!” the PFY protests “We get things going and keep the momentum up. We get the party happening!!!”

“Yes, that’s the problem. Apparently some of the party games you’ve instigated in the past have been poorly received.”

“Poorly received?!! THEY LOVE THEM!”

“They love some of them. And generally not everyone loves them.”

“WHO DOESN’T LOVE THEM?!”

“Usually the victim.”

“The Victim?”

“Yes, the target of the game ‘Pin the cattle prod on the Board Member’ for instance.”

“It was dark, the contestant got confused and picked up a cattle prod instead of a self-adhesive tail!” I cry.

“It’s an easy mistake to make” the PFY concurs “Many’s the time I’ve picked up a cattle prod thinking it was a lint remover as I’ve helped groom one of your predecessors before an important board meeting about slashing the IT budget.”

“In any case” I add “That was just one game – and only the Beancounters department!”

“Yes, I heard about the subsequent game of ‘Pin the blame on the Accountant’? He said he thought he was playing a variant of laser strike!”

“I think he’d been drinking” the PFY says sadly “And all too often people just don’t know when to say ‘when’.”

“You mean like after the Piñata fiasco in HR a couple of years back?”

“Look” the PFY says, “it was just two games which met with tragic consequences. The winner of the blindfold wheelie chair race rolled into the piñata circle just after we’d handed out the cricket bats. It could have happened to anyone!”

“Only he claims he wasn’t playing any game but was duct taped into the chair!”

“That’s just the concussion talking!”

“So it was just an accident?”

“Yes”

“Like the toaster in the punch bowl?”

“A warning to us all about placing an electrical appliance too close to a large bowl of liquid during holiday season!”

“P.R. said you bought the toaster with you,” the Boss counters

“Of course we did! Some of those hors d'oeuvres are shabbily prepared and woefully undercooked – and when you take into account the Pate and fish fillings it’s only sensible to make sure they’re cooked through! I mean no one expected the toaster to fall off the Lazy Susan!”

“No one except the Deputy Director of HR who just happened to be wearing rubber gloves and standing on a rubber mat when the Director dipped the ladle in the bowl?”

“They were his presents from the Secret Santa!” the PFY blurts

“The Secret Santa in this case being?”

“I... think it was me!” I say “And I got them for him because I recalled a conversation I’d had with him about how much he enjoys... dishwashing... and... uh.. car mats!”

“A suspicious person might look at the pre-Christmas financial activity of the company and suspect that there was some form of service being offered to departments with unpopular people?” the Boss hints

“How do you mean?”

“Well I see notice that in each of these ‘incidents’ a large order has come from the department concerned yet no IT items appear to have been delivered to them.”

“That’s the problem with lead times and a 31-December financial close off date,” I say

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Wanna keep your data for 1,000 YEARS? No? Hard luck, HDS wants you to anyway
Combine Blu-ray and M-DISC and you get this monster
Google+ GOING, GOING ... ? Newbie Gmailers no longer forced into mandatory ID slurp
Mountain View distances itself from lame 'network thingy'
US boffins demo 'twisted radio' mux
OAM takes wireless signals to 32 Gbps
Apple flops out 2FA for iCloud in bid to stop future nude selfie leaks
Millions of 4chan users howl with laughter as Cupertino slams stable door
Students playing with impressive racks? Yes, it's cluster comp time
The most comprehensive coverage the world has ever seen. Ever
Run little spreadsheet, run! IBM's Watson is coming to gobble you up
Big Blue's big super's big appetite for big data in big clouds for big analytics
Seagate's triple-headed Cerberus could SAVE the DISK WORLD
... and possibly bring us even more HAMR time. Yay!
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.