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In BOFH office, squeaky wheel greases you

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We had a few teething problems

“Oh yeah! There’s that, the wheelie bin for shredding on the 3rd floor and the filing cabinet on the 4th floor. We had a few teething problems - the drive wheels for instance - as they’re powered by motors from some old printers and pretty squeaky”

“But you didn’t run this by me before you did it?”

“We didn’t need to – there was no financial outlay – it was all old materials!” I reply

“ANY technical work you do should be run by me first!” the Boss snaps

“But this was a freebie!” the PFY responds

“And it should still be run by me first!” the Boss says

“Well I suppose we could... decommission them” the PFY says, bravely suppressing a sob

“I think you should.” the Boss says “Leastways till you have a project plan and a risk analysis – given the recent history with these devices”

“Not these devices!” the PFY says with a touch of paternal concern “We wrote the O/S from the ground up!”

“And you’re positive they’re safe”

“100 per cent.” the PFY blurts, excitedly “All you’ve got to do is look at them and they become static”

“Well I suppose it can’t hurt to check them out” the Boss says “But the first hint of a problem and they’re for the scrapheap!”

... Ten minutes later...

“There he is” I say to the PFY as the Boss emerges from the 6th floor lift, glances nervously to our monitor. “CAN YOU HEAR US?”

“I can” the Boss echoes back.

“Okay and now just turn and move slowly away”

“Okay”

>squeeeeeek< ... >squeeeeeek< ... >squeeeeeek< ... >squee..<

“There you do, it’s detected you looking at it and has stopped. Now walk the other way, at a slightly faster pace”

“Okay”

>squeeek< .. >squeeek< .. >squee..<

“So it’s noticed you looking again. Righto, last time, move back towards the balcony, very quickly this time!”

“Right”

>sqeek< >sqeek< >sqeek< >sq >SCREEE<

“aaaggh!”

>CRASH!<

...

“So” I say the PFY as the ambulance rolls away “Bit of an oversight in the braking department..”

“Yes” the PFY says “should have realised the centre of gravity wouldn’t support a sudden stop”

“Doesn’t matter now” I say “When he gets back they’re all scrap”

“Yeah” the PFY says sadly “Though did I show you the one I made which looks like one of those hospital cupboards? The door’s razor sharp and can cut through a drip line, a monitor and a patient call cable....”

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