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Lads from Lagos call in the FBI

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Advance-fee fraudsters have joined the fight against international terrorism, worried Reg reader Guy reports.

The Lads from Lagos have turned their hands to money-laundering investigations, and have come up with some very grave charges against our man, which speak for themselves:

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI Headquarters in Washington,
D.C. J. Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington,
D..C. 20535-0001

Payment Release Instruction From The Federal Bureau Of Investigation

ATTN:FUND BENEFICIARY,

This is to inform you that it has come to the notice of the federal bureau of investigation (FBI) that the sum of $10.5 million united states dollars were transferred from the central bank of Nigeria to the bank of America here in the united states, bearing your name as the beneficiary.

We did not believe this at first until we saw the transfer, then we had no other option than to place the funds on hold until you are able to prove to us that you are not a terrorist or a money launderer, by obtaining what is called a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer certificate from the funds originated country.

Note that we have done a proper investigation on this transaction and from our investigation, this funds truly belongs to you and it is not a scam, but we have instructed the bank of America not to release the $10.5 million to you until you prove the legitimacy of the funds you are about to receive.

As a matter of fact, you will be charged for money laundering and terrorism, if you fail to prove to us that you are not a terrorist or a money launderer by obtaining the above mentioned certificate from the funds originated country,and if you are found guilty as charged, you will go to jail.

You have just only 72 hours to prove to us you are not a terrorist, failure to comply with our instruction, you will be arrested and detained until this matter is settled. Meanwhile we have your full contact address which makes it easier for us to arrest you when ever we want to.

We are going to direct you on how to obtain the required document from the funds originated country in our next email to you, and your $10.5 million will be released to you as soon as the required document is obtained.

Therefore you have been advised to get back to us immediately you receive this email or you will be arrested by the FBI, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

For more information's and quick response, reply back to us through this email address: fbi_washingtond@ufo.tc

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

MR. ROBERT S. MUELLER, III Director Federal Bureau of Investigation

CC: Canadian Police Association
CC: GENERAL INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT (GID)
CC: Asia Pacific Group on Money Laundering (APG)
CC: Egmont Group
CC: FEDERAL BURUEA OF INVESTIGATION (FBI USA)
CC: European Bank for Reconstruction and Development (EBRD)
CC: Financial Action Task Force (FATF)
CC: International Monetary Fund (IMF)
CC: International Organization of Securities Commissions (IOSCO)
CC: International Banking Security Association (IBSA)
CC: International Air Transport Association (IATA)
CC: Institut de Formation Interbancaire (INSIG)
CC: World Customs Organization (WCO)
CC: Inter-American Development Bank (IADB)
CC: Offshore Group of Banking Supervisors (OGBS)

Serious stuff, and nine out of ten for grammar and spelling.

We haven't heard from Guy since he received the email, so can only assume either he obtained the crucial "diplomatic immunity seal of transfer certificate" and is currently sipping vintage Krug on his superyacht, the MARIAM ABACHA, off Lagos, or he missed the deadline and is shooting hoops in Gitmo Bay. ®

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