Feeds

Great white sharks menace Blighty

Jaws bored with lean Oz surfer steaks, wants a bit of cornish pasty

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

In what certainly represents the death of the British seaside pedalo hire industry, the Sun reports that hungry great white sharks have moved from their traditional hunting grounds off the coast of Amity in search of European flesh.

Those of you who are tempted to doubt that anyone venturing out into UK territorial waters will soon be enjoying the full USS Indianapolis experience are directed to "respected shark angler" Steve Mills, who warns: "There are definitely great whites in our waters. The only reason they do not get caught by fisherman is because they do not use the right tackle.

"They will be here because of the stocks of mackerel and will probably be feeding on pollock and cod."

Yes, the Sun's report certainly contains a great deal of pollocks. Mills says of the great white menace: "There have been sightings in the past but no photographic evidence, but that definitely does not mean they are not here."

Well, whether the lack of photographic evidence proves or otherwise that great whites are definitely here or not, plucky Brit anglers are queuing at the quayside for the chance to join Quint for a poke at the devil fish's ass.

Portsmouth angling lad Matt Sims, 22, bravadoed for the tabloids: "My dream has always been to catch one of these monsters. I have heard rumours that you can get them around Cornwall so I think I shall start there.

He said: "It is amazing to think that now I do not need to go abroad to catch one, I can just go down the coast."

The great white shark, aka Carcharodon carcharias, legendarily has a taste for lean and tanned Oz and South African surfers. Quite how it it takes to the innocent white flesh of Newquay remains to be seen. ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.