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Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed

Vigil cleanses area of unholy cassette recordings

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

A group of Christian evangelicals has declared junction 9 of the M25 "hexed" and is staging regular prayer meetings to cleanse the benighted interchange.

According to the Surrey Advertiser, Gerald Coates of the Pioneer Engage Church in Leatherhead has attributed a rash of accidents and footbridge suicides around the junction to someone "motivated by dark forces".

Coates believes the malefactor has been recording evil messages onto cassette tapes which are then unspooled to enclose and hence curse their target areas.

The abundance of unspooled tapes in the area were proof of the malevolent plan, he told the paper.

The Advertiser reports that a prayer vigil on the Kingston Road bridge organised by Coates had attracted up to 30 people.

"I do believe we will see far fewer incidents, but if the trend is not reversed then we will return for another vigil in mid-December," said Coates.

He concluded that the vigil had the full support of drivers, saying "People were waving and shouting and beeping their horns, the whole atmosphere was great."

He added that he couldn't be completely sure that a hex was the cause of the problems, but he could not think of another reason for the disproportionate number of crashes and suicides between junctions 10 to 8 compared to other areas.

Others remain unconvinced, pointing out that the stretch of motorway in question sits between the turnoffs for Gatwick airport and the A3, with Heathrow airport and main routes to the South West and West just a few more junctions on.

This brings an unholy agglomeration of freight and airport traffic, as well as gardeners visiting the Royal Horticultural Society gardens at Wisley, and performance car-driving celebrities and stockbrokers returning to their country mansions. The road also has a tendency to flood - if the roadside warning signs are to be believed.

Lastly, as one commenter on the Surrey Ad's story points out, "Most evil spirits these days use mp3 players anyway. They're far smaller and convenient to carry when crossing between the dark realm to our side and back again. Portable CD players were previously used, but cassette recorders were universally ditched *years* ago!" ®

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