Feeds

Tinfoil 'radiation shield' maternity wear hits 'Frisco

Fearmongers rebrand stench-buster fabric

High performance access to file storage

It's actually intended for people who smell

OK, so wear a Belly Armor T-shirt, or drape yourself in multiple blankets. But you're still not out of the woods, actually: look up there in the corner of the ceiling! My God! The burglar-alarm MOTION DETECTOR is quite possibly BEAMING OUT DEADLY RAYS at 10.5 GHz - WELL OUTSIDE the tested band in which Belly Armor is known to work!

And OMG! There might be cops nearby using speed guns. The sky is full of satellites bathing the Earth in "radiation". Those criminal maniacs at the airport and in the military are beaming out radar all over the place. All these signals laugh at Belly Armor, so you'd still be really somewhat of a fool to spend up to $109 a pop on it even if there was any evidence at all that non-ionising low energy microwaves have any health effects whatsoever - which there isn't.

In fact you might still feel seriously ripped off even if low-power microwaves were dangerous (no) and silver fibre actually stopped all of them (no again). Silver fibre fabric is nothing new or special: it is mostly sold for its bacteria-killing properties. For instance if you suffer from stinky feet, some silver socks might help. If you like to get outdoors and shed some perspiration, plenty of sportswear companies offer silvery fabrics to quell the resulting personal odours. US Navy SEAL special-ops troops, often compelled to wear their uniforms continuously for long and sweaty periods in the field without washing, sometimes wear silver-fibre togs to prevent their garments rotting off their bodies.

If silver fibre is what you want, there's no need to pay a minimum of $60 for Belly Armor. You could get a nice silver pyjama top for under $40, or maybe find a silver sports top for even less.

But frankly, if you're the sort of person who is seriously considering the purchase of Belly Armor, you probably already own and wear a hat made of tinfoil. Why don't you simply wrap a length of trusty kitchen aluminium round your midsection, too? ®

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Fancy joining Reg hack on quid-a-day challenge?
Recruiting now for charity starvation diet
Red-faced LOHAN team 'fesses up in blown SPEARS fuse fiasco
Standing in the corner, big pointy 'D' hats
KILLER SPONGES menacing California coastline
Surfers are safe, crustaceans less so
Opportunity selfie: Martian winds have given the spunky ol' rover a spring cleaning
Power levels up 70 per cent as the rover keeps on truckin'
LOHAN's Punch and Judy show relaunches Thursday
Weather looking good for second pop at test flights
Discovery time for 200m WONDER MATERIALS shaved from 4 MILLENNIA... to 4 years
Alloy, Alloy: Boffins in speed-classification breakthrough
Elon Musk's LEAKY THRUSTER gas stalls Space Station supply run
Helium seeps from Falcon 9 first stage, delays new legs for NASA robonaut
Top Secret US payload launched into space successfully
Clandestine NRO spacecraft sets off on its unknown mission
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.