Feeds

Steve Jobs no ninja, says Apple

That's just what you'd expect a ninja to say

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Apple has denied that Steve Jobs is a ninja and dismissed reports that he was stopped at a Japanese airport with a set of throwing death stars in his hand luggage.

But before Jobs' more paranoid rivals in Silicon Valley relax, they should consider that this is exactly the sort of corporate response you'd expect to the revelation that your CEO is a member of a secretive network of martial artists whose arcane but deadly skills are available to the highest bidder.

Sensei Steve's supposed double life as a black-clad Japanese assassin was revealed yesterday, when Bloomberg reported a local magazine's account of the alleged incident.

The firm has reportedly said that Jobs was indeed in Japan this summer of vacation, but "the incidents described at the airport are pure fiction".

It added that "Steve had a great time and hopes to visit Japan again soon".

Which, depending on your point of view, either puts the matter to rest, or simply confirms that Jobs is indeed a highly-ranked master in one of Japan's most feared military arts.

The ninja were renowned as much for their skills in mind manipulation, sowing confusion, concealment and ruthlessness, as their physical martial arts.

They were even reputed to be able to walk on water. Sound familiar? ®

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence
Download Choosing a Cloud Hosting Provider with Confidence to learn more about cloud computing - the new opportunities and new security challenges.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.