Steve Jobs no ninja, says Apple
That's just what you'd expect a ninja to say
Apple has denied that Steve Jobs is a ninja and dismissed reports that he was stopped at a Japanese airport with a set of throwing death stars in his hand luggage.
But before Jobs' more paranoid rivals in Silicon Valley relax, they should consider that this is exactly the sort of corporate response you'd expect to the revelation that your CEO is a member of a secretive network of martial artists whose arcane but deadly skills are available to the highest bidder.
Sensei Steve's supposed double life as a black-clad Japanese assassin was revealed yesterday, when Bloomberg reported a local magazine's account of the alleged incident.
The firm has reportedly said that Jobs was indeed in Japan this summer of vacation, but "the incidents described at the airport are pure fiction".
It added that "Steve had a great time and hopes to visit Japan again soon".
Which, depending on your point of view, either puts the matter to rest, or simply confirms that Jobs is indeed a highly-ranked master in one of Japan's most feared military arts.
The ninja were renowned as much for their skills in mind manipulation, sowing confusion, concealment and ruthlessness, as their physical martial arts.
They were even reputed to be able to walk on water. Sound familiar? ®
Of course he's not a ninja.
How the hell do you expect him to move around stealthily and undetected at night with the sun shining out of his arse?
CEOs and violence
Steve Jobs throws stars
Steve Balmer throws chairs
Mark Zuckerberg throws tantrums
Amazing innit. Just like my kids, really.
He just believes xkcd a bit too much...