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US government recruits Paris Hilton

Voice of America - now with added celebutardiness

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

In what is evidently an attempt to mitigate the damage caused by Koran-burning pastors, the US government will attempt to dissuade outraged citizens of the Middle East from joining al-Qaeda by beaming Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears across the Voice of America's airwaves.

According to Press Gazette, Splash News and Pictures will provide a half-hour weekly show packed with meaty celebutardiness, aimed at winning the hearts and minds of those still undecided whether Holy War or Hollywood is the way to go.

Splash CEO Gary Morgan enthused: "We are delighted to forge this important partnership with Voice of America, one of the world’s most respected broadcasters and look forward to a long and successful association with this outstanding media organisation. We are confident that the vast Voice of America audiences will enjoy the expansive celebrity news generated by our content service." ®

Bootnote

The Taliban's position on "expansive celebrity news" is unclear, although we understand it recently declared Lindsay Lohan illegal under Islamic law.

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