Once-in-a-lifetime gag tops Fringe quip list
Tim Vine secures best joke crown
Dave TV has honoured Tim Vine with its Joke of the Fringe award - the annual celebration of the Best of Edinburgh quippery.
"Pun punditt" Vine beat off some stiff opposition with: ''I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.''
Eight comedy critics sat through "60 performances, totalling 3,600 minutes of comedy material", and selected 24 gags to go forward to a public vote. Here are the top ten which tickled the ribs of the hoi polloi:
- Tim Vine: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
- David Gibson (as Ray Green): "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."
- Emo Philips: "I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them."
- Jack Whitehall: "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
- Gary Delaney: "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
- John Bishop: "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
- Bo Burnham: "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
- Gary Delaney: "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
- Robert White: "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty."
- Gareth Richards: "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub."
A chuffed Vine (pictured) said of the award: "I'm going to celebrate by going to Sooty's barbecue and having a sweepsteak."
One man who won't be enjoying a sweepsteak is last year's winner Dan Antopolski. Despite impressing in 2009 with "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?", this time around he found himself on the worst joke roster with: "How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan."
Also named and shamed were Sara Pascoe ("Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.") and Emo Phillips ("I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.")
The Beeb has more here. ®
""I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.""
That one actually made me chuckle more than the others, perhaps they key was in the delivery?
Oh God I DON'T CARE and I doubt many others do either. Hands up who cares about this?
Some usages of words and phrases are strictly speaking incorrect, but it would interrupt the normal flow of a sentence if they were used correctly. Language allows for little hiccups over time. 'Hoi polloi' with an extraneous 'the' on the beginning is clearly one of those.
Find me an example of someone using 'hoi polloi' correctly and post it up. Seriously. There will be one or two but I'm betting most writers just add 'the' even in the knowledge it's not strictly correct, because it's likely most readers would go "hey they missed the 'the'" and would write in complaining. You can't win, see? I'm not saying you're *wrong*, I'm saying you're *pedantic*. And yes, I'm a pedant for a living and I believe in a degree of vigilance about proper English but I have my limits and sometimes, please God, I need it to stop.
Shows how subjective comedy is.
Thought the winner was pretty poor, the funniest being No 8, with 3 a close second.
Thought this (from the "shamed" list on the BBC website) was better then the winner, too:-
***"Bec Hill "Some of my best friends are vegan. They were going to come today but they didn't have the energy to climb up the stairs."***
I expect it also saved on air freshener..........