Feeds

Once-in-a-lifetime gag tops Fringe quip list

Tim Vine secures best joke crown

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

Dave TV has honoured Tim Vine with its Joke of the Fringe award - the annual celebration of the Best of Edinburgh quippery.

"Pun punditt" Vine beat off some stiff opposition with: ''I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.''

Eight comedy critics sat through "60 performances, totalling 3,600 minutes of comedy material", and selected 24 gags to go forward to a public vote. Here are the top ten which tickled the ribs of the hoi polloi:

  1. Tim Vine: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
  2. David Gibson (as Ray Green): "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."
  3. Emo Philips: "I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them."
  4. Jack Whitehall: "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
  5. Gary Delaney: "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
  6. John Bishop: "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
  7. Bo Burnham: "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
  8. Gary Delaney: "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
  9. Robert White: "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty."
  10. Gareth Richards: "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub."

Tim VineA chuffed Vine (pictured) said of the award: "I'm going to celebrate by going to Sooty's barbecue and having a sweepsteak."

One man who won't be enjoying a sweepsteak is last year's winner Dan Antopolski. Despite impressing in 2009 with "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?", this time around he found himself on the worst joke roster with: "How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan."

Also named and shamed were Sara Pascoe ("Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.") and Emo Phillips ("I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.")

The Beeb has more here. ®

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Top 10 endpoint backup mistakes
Avoid the ten endpoint backup mistakes to ensure that your critical corporate data is protected and end user productivity is improved.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up distributed data
Eliminating the redundant use of bandwidth and storage capacity and application consolidation in the modern data center.
The essential guide to IT transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIOs automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.