Fanbois love sex toys: Official
iPad users whip Windows lusers
UK smut accessorymonger LoveHoney (NSFW) has confirmed what the fanbois out there knew all along: when they're not polishing their iPads, worshippers at the altar of Jobs are likely to be lovingly fondling other toys, with explosive results.
LoveHoney deployed Google Analytics to demonstrate that "iPad users have the highest average spend on sex toys, closely followed by iPhone users, then Mac users".
The site explains: "A month after the launch of Apple’s latest device, statistics show that iPad users spend an average of £59.06 per order - nearly double the amount that Windows users spend."
LoveHoney director Richard Longhurst opined: “Apple users might spend more than Windows users because they’re sexually more confident and are more adventurous in the bedroom."
There is, of course, a more likely explanation, given that Google Analytics revealingly indicate that 93 per cent of fanbois have never seen a member of the opposite sex naked. We reckon they're simply splashing their cash on gadgets like the TENGA Black Flip Hole Masturbator (NSFW), thereby saving themselves the embarrassment of having to ask Steve Jobs exactly how to hold their devices to achieve satisfaction. ®
LoveHoney has rather unforgiveably failed to explain just where Linux users rank in the sex toy league table. I'm sure you lot can set us straight on that.
I'd offer you a bun, Dave, but I fear you would wait until it went stale and then bludgeon a horse to death with it.
Surely it means Mac users have more disposable in... Oh, someone said that already.
Hah, I guess fabois are all a bunch of wa... buggerit.
Getting shafted by Apple obviously isn't enough for them
> Linux users rank in the sex toy league table
They have a whole swarm available.. All of them free. None of them documented. Installation requires a long courtship that involves arcane commands and rituals. They have user interfaces as ugly as T***e *h**y on a bad day and require constant maintenance. But worst of all, none of them do what people actually want. Since the authors could not decide what the things should do, (having exactly zero real-world experience between them) they dropped in every single possible option their hours spent watching movies gave them, but with no sensible defaults.
Finally they gave their toys cutesy but wholly uninformative names, that no business person could ever put on a purchase order without losing all their credibility, and which change with each new release (that is almost identical to the one before, but oddly incompatible with it) and then sat around wondering why nobody wanted to use them.
Dare I suggest that...
...Apple users spend more on sex toys because Apple users have more disposable income?
AC to avoid the wrath of the fanboi brigade.