Feeds

Fanbois love sex toys: Official

iPad users whip Windows lusers

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

UK smut accessorymonger LoveHoney (NSFW) has confirmed what the fanbois out there knew all along: when they're not polishing their iPads, worshippers at the altar of Jobs are likely to be lovingly fondling other toys, with explosive results.

LoveHoney deployed Google Analytics to demonstrate that "iPad users have the highest average spend on sex toys, closely followed by iPhone users, then Mac users".

The site explains: "A month after the launch of Apple’s latest device, statistics show that iPad users spend an average of £59.06 per order - nearly double the amount that Windows users spend."

LoveHoney director Richard Longhurst opined: “Apple users might spend more than Windows users because they’re sexually more confident and are more adventurous in the bedroom."

There is, of course, a more likely explanation, given that Google Analytics revealingly indicate that 93 per cent of fanbois have never seen a member of the opposite sex naked. We reckon they're simply splashing their cash on gadgets like the TENGA Black Flip Hole Masturbator (NSFW), thereby saving themselves the embarrassment of having to ask Steve Jobs exactly how to hold their devices to achieve satisfaction. ®

Bootnote

LoveHoney has rather unforgiveably failed to explain just where Linux users rank in the sex toy league table. I'm sure you lot can set us straight on that.

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
Hi-torque tank engines: EXTREME car hacking with The Register
Bentley found in a hedge gets WW2 lump insertion
What's MISSING on Amazon Fire Phone... and why it WON'T set the world alight
You fought hard and you saved and earned. But all of it's going to burn...
Trousers down for six of the best affordable Androids
Stylish Googlephones for not-so-deep pockets
Download alert: Nearly ALL top 100 Android, iOS paid apps hacked
Attack of the Clones? Yeah, but much, much scarier – report
Fujitsu CTO: We'll be 3D-printing tech execs in 15 years
Fleshy techie disses network neutrality, helmet-less motorcyclists
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing and building an open ITOA architecture
Learn about a new IT data taxonomy defined by the four data sources of IT visibility: wire, machine, agent, and synthetic data sets.
The total economic impact of Druva inSync
Examining the ROI enterprises may realize by implementing inSync, as they look to improve backup and recovery of endpoint data in a cost-effective manner.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Business security measures using SSL
Examines the major types of threats to information security that businesses face today and the techniques for mitigating those threats.