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Apple support-drone scripts leaked

Don't blame yourself. Although it really is your fault

Apple won't be appeasing anyone with a free bump case - a "leaked" script shows the apparent aim is to blame the customer, as long as the customer is at fault.

Tech blog Boy Genius Report has laid its hands on the script that Apple support are allegedly using for those who call up with antenna problems. This explains how the user is supposed to hold the various iPhone models and cautions against promising free bumper cases as appeasement is not an Apple policy.

"We are not appeasing customers with free bumpers – don't promise a free bumper to customers," it insists (Apple's emphasis).

Assuming you're not trying to blag a free case then you'll be told that the iPhone 4 has the best radio Apple has ever shipped, and that all mobile phones suffer from the same problem. Then, if you've got an iPhone 3GS you'll be told to avoid touching the bottom-right side, while those touting an iPhone 4 being told to avoid the bottom left.

Support staff are also told to check if the phone works when not being held at all – just in case there's a real problem, and that "your tone when delivering this information is important".

We can't help wondering if Apple has been paying too much attention to Fake Steve Jobs' take on the matter:

Right now, for example, we’ve sent out the following messages about iPhone 4 and the antenna issues:

1. All mobile phones have this problem.

2. Our mobile phone does not have this problem.

You see how this works? These two statements cannot both be true.

Yet we’ve said both of them. And now you don’t know what to believe.

You can follow either set of guidelines, but if you've got signal problems than a case of some sort is probably in order. Or you could embrace your piratical side and get yourself a hook instead... ®

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