Feeds

Apple support-drone scripts leaked

Don't blame yourself. Although it really is your fault

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Apple won't be appeasing anyone with a free bump case - a "leaked" script shows the apparent aim is to blame the customer, as long as the customer is at fault.

Tech blog Boy Genius Report has laid its hands on the script that Apple support are allegedly using for those who call up with antenna problems. This explains how the user is supposed to hold the various iPhone models and cautions against promising free bumper cases as appeasement is not an Apple policy.

"We are not appeasing customers with free bumpers – don't promise a free bumper to customers," it insists (Apple's emphasis).

Assuming you're not trying to blag a free case then you'll be told that the iPhone 4 has the best radio Apple has ever shipped, and that all mobile phones suffer from the same problem. Then, if you've got an iPhone 3GS you'll be told to avoid touching the bottom-right side, while those touting an iPhone 4 being told to avoid the bottom left.

Support staff are also told to check if the phone works when not being held at all – just in case there's a real problem, and that "your tone when delivering this information is important".

We can't help wondering if Apple has been paying too much attention to Fake Steve Jobs' take on the matter:

Right now, for example, we’ve sent out the following messages about iPhone 4 and the antenna issues:

1. All mobile phones have this problem.

2. Our mobile phone does not have this problem.

You see how this works? These two statements cannot both be true.

Yet we’ve said both of them. And now you don’t know what to believe.

You can follow either set of guidelines, but if you've got signal problems than a case of some sort is probably in order. Or you could embrace your piratical side and get yourself a hook instead... ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
TEEN RAMPAGE: Kids in iPhone 6 'Will it bend' YouTube 'prank'
iPhones bent in Norwich? As if the place wasn't weird enough
Consumers agree to give up first-born child for free Wi-Fi – survey
This Herod network's ace – but crap reception in bullrushes
Crouching tiger, FAST ASLEEP dragon: Smugglers can't shift iPhone 6s
China's grey market reports 'sluggish' sales of Apple mobe
Sea-Me-We 5 construction starts
New sub cable to go live 2016
New EU digi-commish struggles with concepts of net neutrality
Oettinger all about the infrastructure – but not big on substance
PEAK IPV4? Global IPv6 traffic is growing, DDoS dying, says Akamai
First time the cache network has seen drop in use of 32-bit-wide IP addresses
EE coughs to BROKEN data usage metrics BLUNDER that short-changes customers
Carrier apologises for 'inflated' measurements cockup
Comcast: Help, help, FCC. Netflix and pals are EXTORTIONISTS
The others guys are being mean so therefore ... monopoly all good, yeah?
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.