Feeds

Middle-aged sex: The X-rated photo guide

We make the effort, so you don't have to

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Security for virtualized datacentres

When you do get back to work, and are taking a few quiet minutes while your colleagues are at lunch to check whether your beringed teats have indeed landed on the interwebs, you might as well check out that Natalie Portman pornalike vid site.

What you shouldn't do, though, is attempt to crack one off under the desk. Why? Because you're not 25 any more, and you're going to crash out mid-shuffle, just as the girls from human resources are passing on "bring your kid to work day":

You're caught at your desk asleep in front of a Natalie Portman pornalike site

Ok, but look on the bright side: now you're spared the stress of having a job, there's a chance you might recover sufficient va-va-voom to get back on the job.

But where the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. Here's the death of the beast with two backs, caused by massive coronary failure just as you were working up a good head of steam:

Emergency services attend scene of sex-induced heart attack

Fire brigade professionals, backed by police, doctors, paramedics and community support operatives armed with tea have moved with lightning speed to free your hysterical wife from under your immobile bulk. Make no mistake, one of those people has a mobile phone, and this is going to prove hugely popular on YouTube.

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Next page: Related stories

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
SLOSH! Cops dethrone suspect - by tipping over portaloo with him inside
Talk about raising a stink and soiling your career
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.