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England versus Germany: Quaff real ale

Stuff lager, insist hoppy chemists

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The Royal Society of Chemistry is advising England fans to avoid overanxiety on Sunday, as their team goes out on penalties to slaughter ze Germans, by drinking real ale.

Biochemist Dr Ian Hornsey explained: “English supporters should be able to withstand the pressures associated with the big match on Sunday better than our German friends - as long as they drink traditional English Ale, which is more highly hopped.

“Since the hop has a sedative effect, English nerves should be calmed. Lagers have very low hop rates, and are also very highly gassed; need I say more?"

The RSC explains that the sedative effects of hops is reckoned to be down to a chemical called dimethylvinyl carbinol. If previous England World Cup performances are anything to go by, we'd probably all be better off bypassing the beer altogether, and getting a bottle of 100 per cent "Di-Carb" to numb the pain. ®

Bootnote

Dr Hornsey penned the RSC books A History of Beer and Brewing and Brewing - the latter presumably similar to the first but skipping the history bit.

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