Redback spiders provoke BAE lock-down
'Big, tough men were yelling with fear'
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Shaken BAE Systems staff have recalled the "horror film" moment when they discovered a pack of deadly Oz Redback spiders in a parts crate shipped in from the Lucky Country.
According to the Sun, the eight-legged invaders provoked a lock-down of the area at Warton Aerodrome, near Preston, as specialist anti-arachnid operatives moved in to suppress the threat to the Eurofighter plant.
An inside source recounted: "It was like a scene from a horror film. There were these tiny black spiders with a red stripe down their back running around a container of parts from Australia. It caused a major panic.
"Big, tough men were yelling with fear when they saw these things crawling all over the place."
The source significantly concluded: "There were also loads of eggs in there. The big worry was one could have escaped."
Indeed, the Sun notes that despite a BAE spokeswoman's insistence that "the situation is under control", there are still "fears some may have fled to nearby fields and could start breeding".
If that's so, then the Redback will have to battle black widows, piranha and North American signal crayfish for ultimate control of the UK, assuming it survives an encounter with the "gob full of razor-sharp teeth" which is the southeast Asian snakehead. ®
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COMMENTS
The horror, the horror!
"Big, tough men were yelling with fear [...] there are still fears some may have fled to nearby fields and could start breeding"
I really must stop skimming and read more thoroughly! Now I'll need the rest of the day (at least) to get rid of mental images of aerospace engineers mating in the fields of Preston...
A warning
In Australia, if it's name begins with s it will kill you - snakes, spiders, sharks, sheilas...
An Oldlassic
THE REDBACK ON THE TOILET SEAT
by Slim Newton
There was a redback on the toilet seat
When I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy I felt his bite.
I jumped high up into the air
And when I hit the ground,
That crafty redback spider
Wasn't nowhere to be found.
I rushed into the missus,
Told her just where I'd been bit.
She grabbed a cut-throat razor-blade
And I nearly took a fit.
I said, "Just forget what's on your mind
And call a doctor please,
'Cause I got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease."
There was a redback on the toilet seat
When I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy I felt his bite.
And now I'm here in hospital
A sad and sorry sight,
And I curse the redback spider
On the toilet seat last night.
I can't lie down, I can't sit up
And I don't know what to do,
And all the nurses think it's funny
But that's not my point of view.
I tell you its embarassing,
And that's to say the least,
That I'm too sick to eat a bit
While that spider had a feast.
And when I get back home again
I tell you what I'll do,
I'll make that redback suffer
For the pain I'm going through.
I've had so many needles
That I'm looking like a sieve,
And I promise you that spider
Hasn't very long to live.
There was a redback on the toilet seat
When I was there last night.
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy I felt his bite.
But now I'm here in hospital
A sad and sorry sight,
And I curse the redback spider
On the toilet seat last night.
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