World Cup in your pocket: iPhone vuvuzelas
Live your WAG fantasies
With the World Cup now underway, iPhone owners can download a plethora of apps that can turn their Jobsian handhelds into simulacra of that ear-splittingly infuriating noisemaker, the vuvuzela.
Should you choose the convenience of a pocketable vuvuzela rather than branding yourself as an obnoxious doofus by carrying the actual meter-long conical plastic horn, you can choose a free digital noisemaker such as Vuvuzela 2010, Virtual Vuvuzela (also available for Android), or Pocket Vuvuzela.
With iVuzela, you can blow your own country-specific horn
Another, Annoying Footbal Horns: Vuvuzela Edition (99¢), can also be found in a Blighty-specific edition, England Fan Pack: Annoying Footbal Horns + (99¢), which adds a drum, rattle, and air horn to your musical arsernal, plus crowd chants, multiple-vuvuzela ensembles, and links to streaming video for "favourite England Songs, 3 Lions, World in Motion, etc".
The Blighty-specific England Fan Pack: Annoying Footbal Horns + provides a vuvuzela chorus
Among your other options are iVuzela (99¢), which sounds when you blow into your iPhone's microphone à la Smule's überpopular Ocarina, as does WC Instruments 2010 (99¢), which adds an air horn, rattle, and drum — you don't blow to make those noises, thankfully — just tap to annoy.
One horn-imitating app, Vuvuzela ($1.99), actually has a useful side, with the addition of match and player info, including card-counts. Vuvuzaga (99¢), includes a game in which you can choose an avatar — including a "size-zero WAG" — and crusade to banish vuvuzelas. WorldCupKit (99¢) adds more instruments, "creative" ejaculations such as "Ole!" and a burp, and the ability to record your own playable commentaries.
In Vuvuzaga, you can choose an avatar and go on a vuvuzela-banning mission
Finally, you could equip your iPhone with the multinational, multi-noisemaker FanBattle (99¢). Although this app's App Store write-up is in German, its description ends with a note "For all the English speaking people" that reads: "Just buy it. No Sense. It's just one dollar. Or to quote Gary Lineker: 'Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win.'" ®
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