Feeds

Drinking coffee offers no real benefit, say eggheads

Refuse to acknowledge superiority of Homo caffeinus

Intelligent flash storage arrays

Deluded trick-cyclists in the UK and Germany have produced "research" purporting to show that coffee drinkers receive no tangible benefit from their morning cup of beautiful, life-giving beany caffeine goodness.

The foolishness was presided over by Peter Rogers of Bristol Uni's experimental psycho department. He and his allied truth-deniers wrote:

Although frequent consumers feel alerted by caffeine, especially by their morning tea, coffee, or other caffeine-containing drink, evidence suggests that this is actually merely the reversal of the fatiguing effects of acute caffeine withdrawal.

According to Reuters:

The team asked 379 adults - half of them non/low caffeine consumers and the other half medium/high caffeine consumers - to give up caffeine for 16 hours, and then gave them either caffeine or a dummy pill known as a placebo.

Spurious "measurements" then seemed to indicate that the upstanding, coffee-swilling group who got lovely, brain- and wit-enhancing delicious caffeine showed "alertness" levels no higher than the decaf-glugging weirdoes who got a placebo.

Rogers and his fellow lunatics contend that the revivifying morning cup offers no more than a return to normal performance in the case of a regular caffeine hound, who they argue is generally a twitching wreck following a night's abstinence. Or, as they put it:

With frequent consumption, substantial tolerance develops to the anxiogenic effect of caffeine, even in genetically susceptible individuals, but no net benefit for alertness is gained, as caffeine abstinence reduces alertness and consumption merely returns it to baseline.

The full paper can be read by subscribers to the journal Neuropsychopharmacology here. ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
SECRET U.S. 'SPACE WARPLANE' set to return from SPY MISSION
Robot minishuttle X-37B returns after almost 2 years in orbit
No sail: NASA spikes Sunjammer
'Solar sail' demonstrator project binned
LOHAN crash lands on CNN
Overflies Die Welt en route to lively US news vid
You can crunch it all you like, but the answer is NOT always in the data
Hear that, 'data journalists'? Our analytics prof holds forth
Experts brand LOHAN's squeaky-clean box
Phytosanitary treatment renders Vulture 2 crate fit for export
Carry On Cosmonaut: Willful Child is a poor taste Star Trek parody
Cringeworthy, crude and crass jokes abound in Steven Erikson’s sci-fi debut
Origins of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE fished out of SCOTTISH LAKE
Fossil find proves it first happened 385 million years ago
America's super-secret X-37B plane returns to Earth after nearly TWO YEARS aloft
674 days in space for US Air Force's mystery orbital vehicle
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.