Sam Mendes to helm new Jesus Phone ads
Featuring video chat. Yes, people, VIDEO CHAT
As the world restlessly kicks its heels ahead of the 7 June launch of the next manifestation of the Jesus Phone, it's been revealed that the Church of Jobs has recruited American Beauty director Sam Mendes to helm a series of TV ads for the miracle device.
The revelation comes courtesy of Engadget, which spotted evidence on the Twittosphere in which one hopeful thespian said he was about to "audition tomorrow for a F***ing apple commercial directed by Sam Mendes" and that according he was "going to pray for like 24 hours straight for a miracle".
And if that news is not enough to get fanbois creaming in their Cupertino-branded iPants, one of the commercials will apparently feature "a mother and daughter ... having a video chat conversation".
This means, of course, that the new device must have a forward-facing camera, as suggested by Gizmodo iPhonegate scandal. That's right - the new iPhone has a forward-facing camera and VIDEO CHAT. Now sit down, take deep breaths and contemplate just how you're going to fill the meaningless void between now and 7 June. ®
The sound of Apple's design philosophy passing you (the article writer) by at speed.
"That's right - the new iPhone has a forward-facing camera and VIDEO CHAT."
Yes. And the iPhone 3G introduced *3G* technology! And the original iPhone DIDN'T HAVE MMS! We get it already! Grow the f*ck up.
Apple are all about the *user experience*; they do not—and never have—given much of a shit about the technology itself, except as a means of enabling some new user experience concept. (Hence their work with multitouch.)
The first question they ask isn't "What new features can we throw into the box, regardless of their usability?"
Their first question is: "How can we INTEGRATE these new features in a seamless experience?" In short: they're *design-led*, not *technology-led*. It's why Apple only ever make one damned phone model every year, instead of dozens. It's why people *still* by iPhones in droves.
Just one, single, solitary phone model has a *quarter* of the "smartphone" market? That's f*cking *amazing*, no matter how you try and pretend otherwise! How many Android phones are there utterly failing to dent that product's market share? Right. And how much profit do you think all those phone make, compared to the margins on the iPhone?
Apple have almost a diametrically opposing philosophy compared to those of most IT companies, including Microsoft and Google. Apple don't even *care* if Google mops up the low-end, low-margin market—Apple aren't competing there, and probably never will. (How many cheap-and-nasty Rolls-Royce or Mercedes-Benz cars are you aware of? Exactly!)
Get it now? Understand the difference?
Apple haven't been keeping any of this a secret over the past 13 years. If *I* can work it out, why the hell can't you? (I won't comment on your readership. Many of them genuinely believe Perl to be a human-readable language.)
OMG!!!!!!! Apple have now invented video calls!! Is there no end to their genius? I hope they patented it.
Where's my Apple-embossed wallet? The one with the spring loaded catch that pings open every 6 months as they drip feed me a feature and bleed me dry..
One does get rather bored of the millions of HTC Android / WiMoPho variants coming out every month.