Feeds

I Married a Monster from ISO 9000

We're getting harried in the morning

Top 10 endpoint backup mistakes

The signing of the report

Auditor: Can I sit somewhere quiet for a while, so I can write up my report?

Managing Director: Sure, have the boardroom. I don't suppose you could tell me, um, I mean I may have to go early... so if you could just let me know...

Auditor: Thank you.

Nunc dimittis

After 30 minutes, the Auditor emerges from the boardroom, and summon the Quality Manager and the Managing Director. The Congregation watches respectfully and quietly.

Auditor: Ok, well nothing much to say there, except: well done. No non-conformities. Suggest you might look into doing something about your bug statistics. It's all in my report; gimme a memory stick and I'll put it on it. But all round pretty good. See you in nine months.

Final hymn and blessing

The Congregation sings:

What a friend we have in Stephen,
What a splendid bloke he is.
We are always pleased to see him,
We would never take the Stephen really is the biz.
Stephen helps us with our process,
MacBride makes quality an art.
We can't get enough of Stephen -
Now it's time he did depart.

Managing Director: Thanks very much for that, Stephen. I'll see you to the door. Hope for a better journey this time, eh? And one thing...

Auditor: Yes?

Managing Director: I thought you looked lovely.

Auditor: Eh?

The Congregation then may sing the rarely-heard, contraversial second verse:

Now this bloody thing is over
Oh how happy we shall be.
We shall ship our code untested
Stuff the effing quality.
No reviewing Gavin's Java
No re-choir-ment specs to check.
In due course we will regret this,
'Til then we do not give a feck.

Amen.

Then a collection is taken on behalf of the Wounded Veterans of BS 5750 Association, and, as after many conventional religious services, everyone repairs to the pub. ®

Recommendations for simplifying OS migration

More from The Register

next story
PEAK LANDFILL: Why tablet gloom is good news for Windows users
Sinofsky's hybrid strategy looks dafter than ever
Leaked Windows Phone 8.1 Update specs tease details of Nokia's next mobes
New screen sizes, dual SIMs, voice over LTE, and more
POW! Apple smites Macbook Air EFI firmware update borkage
Fruity firm provides digital balm for furious fanbois
Call off the firing squad: HP grants stay of execution to OpenVMS
Startup to take over support for today's Itaniums and beyond
Fiendishly complex password app extension ships for iOS 8
Just slip it in, won't hurt a bit, 1Password makers urge devs
Mozilla keeps its Beard, hopes anti-gay marriage troubles are now over
Plenty on new CEO's todo list – starting with Firefox's slipping grasp
Apple: We'll unleash OS X Yosemite beta on the MASSES on 24 July
Starting today, regular fanbois will be guinea pigs, it tells Reg
Another day, another Firefox: Version 31 is upon us ALREADY
Web devs, Mozilla really wants you to like this one
prev story

Whitepapers

7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Solving today's distributed Big Data backup challenges
Enable IT efficiency and allow a firm to access and reuse corporate information for competitive advantage, ultimately changing business outcomes.
A new approach to endpoint data protection
What is the best way to ensure comprehensive visibility, management, and control of information on both company-owned and employee-owned devices?