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New Reg comments system ready to launch

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Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

And there's more...

What else will you get for your cash (and loyalty)? Well, we're planning stacks of new features with easy one-click options galore - expect many new buttons to pop up over the coming months. But in the meantime, here are some of the features that will be good to go and available for you to use after next week.

Instaspeak: Skip the story - simply click on any headline to comment.

Dedicated 'new icon request' button: We'll aim to create any new icons requested within 48 hours and make them available for all commenters to use.

Writer Wipe: Set your filters so you never have to see a story from your least preferred writers ever again.

Supergrass option: Recommend deletion of all upsetting, contrary or objectionable comments in a thread with one click.

Commenter zapping: All commenter's names will come with a 'zap' button - after this is clicked by three other separate commenters, the offending account will be deleted. This is the first step towards making the boards truly democratic.

Opinion templates: Based on our successful 'standard comments' trial of 2008 - one click to post 'you owe me a new keyboard', 'all hail the Divine Moderatrix' or 'That's it, I'm moving to Australia because I think I will be happier there given the unimpeachable civil liberties credentials of the current regime'.

Easier, faster, better up/down voting An easy five-step process making it the work of mere minutes to express your momentary approval or disapproval of previous posters' viewpoints.

Full Comment Scan: Choose to view all deleted, withdrawn and unpublished comments - the unvarnished, unmoderated truth!

Our techies are also toying with a 'screamer' add-on so you can add sound effects to your comment including 'laugh out loud', 'impotent rage scream', 'whine of sarcastic histrionic unwitting prejudice-betraying outrage' and 'theatrical weary sigh'.

Then there's the 'boobies' and 'Bernard Manning' buttons, the 'quickie-flamer', the 'trollinator' and the 'quick libel' function - and excitingly, an actual 'new keyboard request' service. Don't touch that dial... we'll have more info soon.

Let us know what you think in the comments - we'll be perusing and analysing them all carefully at the next comments meeting (or 'forum', as we like to call it...). ®

Bootnote

April Fools!

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