Feeds

Associated Newspapers, GMG to pool newsrooms

Mail and Guardian trial Write once, Read everywhere

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

April Fools In a sign of newspaper industry consolidation, rival publishing groups Associated and the Guardian Media Group are to join forces, sharing a common editorial production facility.

Using the latest technology, a single team will produce stories for both groups flagship titles, the Daily Mail and the Guardian, in a process that will be largely automated.

Marketing teams at both newspapers discovered a new super-segment of the declining newspaper market they have informally dubbed 'the new authoritarian'. According to one circulation manager, this is a reader who "wants to find out what everybody is doing, and stop them doing it", paraphrasing AP Herbert.

In practice it means a story only need be written once. Software then tailors the copy and routes it to the correct title, so for example 'BROKEN BRITAIN' and 'BROKEN PLANET' stories essentially share the same misanthropic outlook - and 94 per cent common verbiage.

In another innovation, the groups have bought out the image and branding rights to leading columnists, who will be released from their contracts. Columns bylined to Polly Toynbee, Richard Littlejohn, Jan Moir and George Monbiot will continue, although mostly written using the new automated software. Reader comments will also be automated, with readers able to choose a "party to blame" from a palette of options tailored to suit their prejudices, with options including asylum seekers, capitalist pigs, teachers, record companies, and human population growth. Only the latter option is common to both readers.

Early trials were prone to error, as these front pages show. Regular Guardian readers will have been surprised with this:

And Mail readers who saw this will have been left with the uneasy sensation that something was not quite right:

Fortunately these computer-generated proofs were never widely distributed.

The new venture will be called Associated Puritanical plc, and will allow Northcliffe House in Kensington, and the Guardian's largely-empty new facilities at King's Cross to be sold. The unified editorial team will relocate to a bunker near Goodge Street, to await the end of the world. ®

Bootnote

April Fools!

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Facebook pays INFINITELY MORE UK corp tax than in 2012
Thanks for the £3k, Zuck. Doh! you're IN CREDIT. Guess not
DOUBLE BONK: Testy fanbois catch Apple Pay picking pockets
Users wail as tapcash transactions are duplicated
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Google Glassholes are UNDATEABLE – HP exec
You need an emotional connection, says touchy-feely MD... We can do that
YARR! Pirates walk the plank: DMCA magnets sink in Google results
Spaffing copyrighted stuff over the web? No search ranking for you
In the next four weeks, 100 people will decide the future of the web
While America tucks into Thanksgiving turkey, the world will be taking over the net
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.