Feeds

Geezer eBays 'bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile'

Renault Clio pitch acclaimed 'best advert eva', innit

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

The seller of a 2005 Renault Clio has brightened a few days with his novel description of the "proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile".

The Renault Clio as seen on eBayThe vehicle in question is apparently ideal for "Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves" and represents "a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability".

The pitch invites: "Dig out yer favourite unwashed 'Umbro' hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the 'Street Pharmacist' and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket."

The Clio boasts "proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows", a "pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter" and "ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension", all the better to "let the other hoodies know you've made it".

The vendor is offering female buyers "a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back", and while this incentive to flash the cash doesn't appear to extend to the lads, they are promised the car "will increase the length of your manhood no end".

The blurb delightfully adds: "If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic 'LIDL' brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this."

Well, quite so, innit. So popular has this apt description of what's possibly the ultimate feral youth chavmobile proved, that there's a Facebook group in its honour, declaring it the "best e-bay advert eva". ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS
Threaderick the Great! And YES, we asked the Arapaho
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN
Big cat causes big trouble at Mumbai college
Too rich for an iPhone 6? How about a gold-plated Brikk?
Not lobbed at your head, silly – a bling phone
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.