Feeds

Geezer eBays 'bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile'

Renault Clio pitch acclaimed 'best advert eva', innit

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

The seller of a 2005 Renault Clio has brightened a few days with his novel description of the "proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile".

The Renault Clio as seen on eBayThe vehicle in question is apparently ideal for "Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves" and represents "a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability".

The pitch invites: "Dig out yer favourite unwashed 'Umbro' hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the 'Street Pharmacist' and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket."

The Clio boasts "proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows", a "pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter" and "ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension", all the better to "let the other hoodies know you've made it".

The vendor is offering female buyers "a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back", and while this incentive to flash the cash doesn't appear to extend to the lads, they are promised the car "will increase the length of your manhood no end".

The blurb delightfully adds: "If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic 'LIDL' brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this."

Well, quite so, innit. So popular has this apt description of what's possibly the ultimate feral youth chavmobile proved, that there's a Facebook group in its honour, declaring it the "best e-bay advert eva". ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
Microsoft to bring back beloved 1990s super-hit BATTLETOADS!?*
* Or maybe not. It is just a trademark filing, after all
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Fire fighters call for no-drone zone around bushfires
UAVs can take down water-spaffing 'copters, so firies want them to butt out
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Simplify SSL certificate management across the enterprise
Simple steps to take control of SSL across the enterprise, and recommendations for a management platform for full visibility and single-point of control for these Certificates.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.