Feeds

Jesus Phone to exhibit holy gift of bilocation

Jobsian prophets predict multitasking for iPhone 4.0

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Reducing security risks from open source software

Apple will add multitasking to the Jesus Phone this summer with the release of the divine handset's version 4.0 software update, according to a report citing anonymous people who have accurately predicted Jobsian behavior in the past .

AppleInsider reports that iPhone OS 4.0 will offer a "full-on solution" to multitasking, though the publication's sources did not provide specifics on how the solution will work to reduce the drain on system resources.

In the past, Apple has said that unfettered multitasking would put too much of a drain on the Jesus Phone battery.

AppleInsider's sources did reveal that the company will provide a multitasking manager that taps technology already included with the Mac OS, but they said the new iPhone 4.0 is still under development and has "a way to go" before completion.

Only a heretic would claim that the Jesus Phone is incapable of multitasking. The ability to act in two places at the same time has long been a sign of divine recognition - a gift from the Holy Spirit - and this saint-like talent for "bilocation" was bestowed on Apple's Holy Handset from the beginning.

Built from the same kernel as Apple's Mac OS, the iPhone OS supports full preemptive multitasking - and always has. But it chooses not to exhibit this divine gift with third-party applications. The current version only allows multitasking with certain core Apple applications, including the system phone, SMS, email and the handset's iPod software.

The imminent Apple iPad is also capable of multitasking, but it too will only exhibit this gift with certain bundled apps.

These Latter Day Saints of Cupertino are not to be confused with St Joseph of Cupertino, who was said to be capable not only of bilocation but levitation as well. Different Cupertino. Different century. But equally Holy. ®

Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable

More from The Register

next story
Report: American tech firms charge Britons a thumping nationality tax
Without representation, too. Time for a Boston (Lincs) Macbook Party?
Child diagnosed as allergic to iPad
Apple's fondleslab is the tablet dermatitis sufferers won't want to take
Microsoft takes on Chromebook with low-cost Windows laptops
Redmond's chief salesman: We're taking 'hard' decisions
For Lenovo US, 8-inch Windows tablets are DEAD – long live 8-inch Windows tablets
Reports it's killing off smaller slabs are greatly exaggerated
Cheer up, Nokia fans. It can start making mobes again in 18 months
The real winner of the Nokia sale is *drumroll* ... Nokia
Seventh-gen SPARC silicon will accelerate Oracle databases
Uncle Larry's mutually-optimised stack to become clearer in August
prev story

Whitepapers

Reducing security risks from open source software
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.